00:00Pranam Acharyaji, I wanted to ask how do we deal with loneliness in the pursuit of a very
00:12personal goal? I have to paint a small picture for it. Let's say you're going through a struggle
00:17which no one knows about. No one appreciates it. But you're battling with it every single
00:22day, one hour at a time. And the funny thing is, is that you're winning, but there is no
00:28one with you to appreciate it. The brain starts to play games with you. It starts to convince
00:33you that you're losing, even though you're winning. It overpowers you when you're feeling
00:39low. So how do you deal with this crippling loneliness in the pursuit of a very personal
00:45goal? Loneliness, you know, is the best gift that life can offer you. Seriously. If you're
00:57not lonely, then the alternative is to be with something terrible. What would you prefer?
01:09Let's say you're travelling by bus or you're in a flight. The seat next to you is occupied
01:15by a hideous person. Is that better or is it better to have a vacant seat? Is it better
01:22to have a vacant seat? Please. I'm not saying that the seat remain vacant for the entire
01:29journey. But must you be in a hurry to very quickly fill that up? Must you be in a terrible
01:38rush? That's the thing. Most of us have such low tolerance for loneliness that we fill
01:47it up with crap. Either the wrong kind of job or beliefs or person or location or something.
02:01Loneliness I said is a gift because it gives you the opportunity and the freedom to go
02:08for the best. I'm lonely means I have the opportunity and that opportunity is available
02:17all life. Do you want to give it up? Please tell me. Why are you taking the loneliness
02:25as a curse? Remember, the alternative is far worse. People who are fed up of loneliness
02:42fall into all kinds of terrible places. But they usually don't display or acknowledge
02:53that. So you feel, oh, the ones whose hollows are filled up are luckier. No, they are not.
03:04You will get into their reality and you will find that being lonely is far, far better.
03:12And it's again, I repeat, I'm not advocating compulsorily loneliness. I'm just asking you
03:21to be careful. A vacant spot is a pure spot. No nonsense has filled it up. How do you want
03:37to be? Do you have single rooms or do you have double occupancy? Double occupancy. How
03:44would you like it better? A single room or a roomie who is quarrelsome, dimwitted, aggressive
03:56and neurotic? That's what you see. And now, now, to put things in perspective, what do
04:07you think about the bulk of the world's population? Are they wise people or neurotic? Neurotic.
04:15So now you know what I'm saying. Just going by probability, the odds are, the great chances
04:31that if you have somebody as your, you know, roomie or partner or whatever, the fellow
04:43would show up as neurotic. What good that would be? Better to enjoy your loneliness
04:50that gives you a lot of opportunity. You can experiment, you can do this, you can do that.
04:57And when you can spot the right one, the right object, the right thought, the right
05:02book, the right person, you can bring it into your life, be with it, be nourished by it,
05:11be in loving company, uplifting company. And when the time comes to bid goodbye, gracefully
05:20say goodbye. You can't be with a book all your life. Can you be? Of course, you can
05:27return to the book. The goodbye need not be final. You can return to the book after six
05:31months or two years or whenever you need it. There has to be a way of life that's founded
05:43on freedom, not compulsiveness. As human beings and particularly as Indians, we are
05:58trained and steeped in compulsiveness. Things happen and then things get frozen in concrete.
06:10You're left with no freedom to fly. And that's wastage of life. Even this problem that you
06:21are experiencing against loneliness might actually be a cultural problem. Coming from
06:31all the gossips that you hear in the family and in your peer group, all the movies that
06:38you watch, where it is shown that the ultimate purpose of life is to have a partner. What
06:46are 90% movies about? Man chasing woman. That's all. Maybe 90% is understated. More than that.
06:58So what are they teaching you with respect to loneliness? Fill it up, fill it up, fill
07:03it up and fill it up with a young person of the other gender. First of all, there must
07:14be no tearing hurry to fill it up. Secondly, it need not be filled up with a person. Even
07:26if you have to fill it up with a person, why does it have to be a person in flesh and blood?
07:32I'm not talking of ghosts. I'm talking of books. What are books? They represent the best that a
07:46great person has to offer. Let's say a great person lived for 70 years. There's so much that
07:53happened in his life. Some part of that would be great, some part would be very ordinary. Now,
07:59what does the book represent? The book is a selective collection of all that is great
08:06about a great person. Why don't you live with that book? It would uplift you. That's what
08:15would make life living. Why don't you make a great purpose as your companion? Why can't
08:23you live for a wonderful mission? Why can't that fill up your loneliness? I'm asking you,
08:32please. Why does it have to be a man, a woman or something like that? Why do you have to
08:40belong to a crowd? These are just questions. Let these stay with you.
08:50So, is it loneliness different than being alone? Are you talking about being alone?
08:55Right Krishnamurti, you're coming from there. Yes, obviously. But before I get into that
09:03academic discussion, what is loneliness, the mind is lonely, what is aloneness,
09:07the true self, the Atma is alone. To people of your age, it's more important to practically
09:16explain that loneliness is not the curse. Our culture paints it to be. Loneliness might
09:27actually be a blessing if you keep your biases aside.
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