- 1 year ago
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00Feed my money!
00:02Fresh experimental comedy from BBC Three.
00:08Guys, guys, why have we all formed such a tight circle suddenly?
00:12What the hell are we doing?
00:14It's like we're all about to spin out into a dance or something.
00:17LAUGHTER
00:23Can I say that?
00:25Sorry, mate.
00:27Sorry, yeah, the thing you just said, can I say it?
00:29Sorry, it got a fantastic response from the group.
00:31I'd be really keen to have a go at saying it myself
00:33and hopefully get them the same response or whatever.
00:36I can't tell if you're joking.
00:38The thing I just... What, the dance thing?
00:41Yeah, if that's... Cool. I really, really want to say it.
00:44You can say it if you want, mate. I just don't know what you would get out of it.
00:47Oh, come on, man, I'd love to say it. Then just say it. Cool.
00:50Erm...
00:53Erm...
00:55Look, we've formed such a tight circle, guys.
00:58What, are we going to spin out onto a dance or something?
01:01LAUGHTER
01:03Synchronised dance. Yeah, diversity, diversity.
01:08Yes!
01:20Oi, look out, boys. Who's this, Mumford or Sons?
01:24Oi, mate, my grandad wants his clothes back.
01:28Yeah, you shit old man!
01:30You're too old and your clothes are different.
01:33Too different for me. Why have you got a hat?
01:36Why do you make things?
01:38Why don't you go back to Europe and stop eating all our trendy food?
01:43You're shit and I don't want to see one more moustache around here, OK?
01:48Go back to the East Coast.
01:50And why is your hair like that?
01:53Go to your barber and say,
01:55''Hello, can I have a grade two or a grade three sometimes, please?''
02:00And get it cut short.
02:02Ask for a short trim and they can comb it and put some wax in it,
02:06you little nice bastard!
02:15Nice one, mate.
02:18Joanna...
02:23Flowers can be expensive, so why not save some pennies
02:26by giving your friends yoghurt instead?
02:34I've got a meeting in half an hour.
02:36Right, OK, all right, OK, Mufissa, Mufissa, Mufissa, yeah,
02:39can I call you back? All right, I'll put you on hold.
02:42OK, OK, all right, I'll speak to you soon.
02:44OK, OK, all right, I'll speak to you soon.
02:46OK, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
02:48Oh, my God, I'm so sorry about that.
02:50I'm in the process of transferring £16,000 to an overseas bank account.
02:53Right, socialising.
02:55OK, switch brain off email mode.
02:57Do you know what I mean?
02:59Oh, my God, it's so great to see you.
03:01I haven't seen anyone literally not a soul for about five years.
03:04How are you? I'm fine at the moment,
03:06but to be honest, I'm just swarmed.
03:08Absolutely swarmed. I mean, I started my own business this year, so...
03:11Oh, my God, you started your own business?
03:13Yeah, I get a lot of emails myself.
03:15OK, so what is it that you're doing now?
03:17Well, I'm just getting, like, 100 emails a day at the moment, so...
03:20I mean, how hard is it to have a boyfriend in a business?
03:22What, are you talking about men?
03:24Yeah, I get a lot of emails from men as well, so...
03:26I mean, I just... Excuse me. What's this for?
03:28It's a club night. Yeah, and we're on you to RSVP by?
03:30Oh, I don't want to... I've noticed there's an email on the back,
03:33so don't worry about it. What were you saying?
03:35Oh, having a boyfriend and trying to have a job and a business.
03:38Oh, Jesus Christ, you started your own business, OK?
03:40I've got Martin from Save The Children calling me 24-7.
03:43I've been invited to join LinkedIn.
03:45I've got the National Theatre up my arse
03:47asking me to get two-for-one tickets to Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
03:50And I come here after weeks without a break, and what do I get?
03:53My two friends rubbing their carefree lifestyles in my face.
03:57To be honest, it's unbelievably smug.
04:01But you know those aren't real things, right? You can just ignore them.
04:04Yeah, it just sounds like you're on some mailing list, Tabs End.
04:08Right. OK.
04:11Let's see what's going on here.
04:13You two are just jealous because you're not as in-demand professionally as I am.
04:17Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to reply to a penis enlargement email
04:21before 5pm tonight, OK?
04:24So, Mufissa... Yeah, I'm still here.
04:27My pin number is 6283...
04:32She looked really good.
04:35MUSIC PLAYS
04:37Right, is this where the audition is? Oh, hi, yeah.
04:40Thank God, I've had an absolute nightmare.
04:42Oh, really? Trying to find us?
04:44No, just, like, over the past couple of years, nothing's, like, going right.
04:48Do you know what I mean? George. Oh, great, OK.
04:50George Maynes. You're the stuntman?
04:53Yeah. Great.
04:55OK. What is this comedy about?
04:58OK, so basically... Sorry, I nearly dropped my apple on my willy.
05:01Yeah, so our lead character, he's cooked something really smelly
05:04and you're a passer-by in the background and you smell it
05:07and then you just pass out cos it stinks so much.
05:10As you know, anyway. Yeah.
05:12And what do I say in the background?
05:14No lines, we just film you actually falling over.
05:17It just doesn't really feel like a good character to me
05:20if all he's doing is just, like, on the floor like that.
05:24It's not really a character.
05:26But I did have an idea for a line that I thought the character would say.
05:29It just goes,
05:30Everybody's got to get their heads in the game.
05:33Do you know what I mean?
05:34It would be great if we could just get you doing the fall.
05:36Yeah, easy, can do that. Let's just do a few falls then.
05:39All right, let's go for it.
05:40Smelling something.
05:47Whoa! Whoa!
05:50Like that.
05:51Ah!
05:53And then, ow! On the bottom.
05:55That wasn't really a fall, though, was it, George?
05:57Is that not the way you wanted me to do the stunt?
05:59Oh, yeah, no.
06:00What's that smell?
06:02No.
06:03Whoa!
06:04George, you have to properly fall over, George.
06:07If he falls over, get their head in the game.
06:09No, no, no.
06:10Like that.
06:11Well, that's just touching the ceiling.
06:13Yeah, I know.
06:14Get your head out of everybody's asses and into the game.
06:18No dialogue necessary.
06:19I might get your head in the game.
06:21George, you didn't fall over.
06:22What? I did fall over.
06:23Obviously, I fell over.
06:25Can you show me how I should do a fall?
06:27Just like that. It's like a kick more than a fall.
06:30Are you a stuntman, George?
06:32Yeah, every day.
06:33Do you think I'd be able to do this if I wasn't a stuntman?
06:36Oh!
06:37Oh, are you OK?
06:39I hurt my elbow and my wrist and my hand,
06:41and I'm not even a stuntman.
06:42You're not a stuntman.
06:43What?
06:44What's going on?
06:45I don't know.
06:52I hadn't done any exercise for, like, three weeks,
06:54so I was just, like...
06:55Totally exhausted.
06:57Yeah, exactly.
06:58Did you get up to much?
07:00Yeah, I had some friends round.
07:02Cooked them a three-course meal.
07:04Oh, very nice.
07:05Yeah, very nice.
07:07And, you know, they seemed to enjoy it,
07:09but I put too many leeks in the frittata.
07:25I guess I didn't think I could be a businesswoman
07:28cos I'm just way too shy to go to a job on my own.
07:31I didn't even think it was worth applying for a job
07:33because how would I know what job to choose?
07:35I feel the same way, my mamacitas,
07:37and that's why I had the idea for the Busy Gal,
07:40a business suit that accommodates three women at once.
07:43Women earn a third of what their male contemporaries do
07:46because they are worth less.
07:48With the Busy Gal,
07:49it's a lot easier to be a businesswoman
07:52With the Busy Gal,
07:53three women can do one man's job
07:55in one flattering, fashion-forward garment.
07:58Containing three women in the Busy Gal
08:00gives your business three times the female brain power.
08:03So, how are we going to close the deal
08:05with the Yakitori Corporation?
08:07Cook them a lovely meal.
08:09Buy them a new computer.
08:10Take them on a retreat to the Swiss Alps
08:12and offer them offshore tax protection.
08:14Ay-ow!
08:17Women's naturally too-quiet voices are amplified
08:20with the Busy Gal's in-built lapel microphone.
08:23Can I please borrow your stapler?
08:27Can I please borrow your stapler?
08:30And the blousy folds of the Busy Gal
08:32allow for complete discretion.
08:38Women have been around for almost 2,000 years
08:41and in that time she has made plenty of baby for man,
08:44but now it's time for women to get a chance to do business.
08:47And we mean business, baby!
08:50So, what are you waiting for?
08:52Ask your husband or father for permission
08:54and order your Busy Gal today!
08:56Cheers!
08:59I might just get some gum.
09:01OK.
09:02Hey.
09:03Get this, please.
09:0560p.
09:06I've only got 20, I think, so...
09:09Yeah.
09:11Yeah.
09:17So, I had some friends round for dinner the other day.
09:24OK.
09:26Yeah.
09:27I cooked a three-course meal.
09:31And, um...
09:33I put too many leeks in the frittata.
09:41CHOMP!
09:52Do you know that girl?
09:53No.
09:54I just told her I put too many leeks in the frittata
09:56and I just...
10:04I put...
10:06too many leeks...
10:09in the frittata.
10:13Yeah!
10:25Hello, old friend.
10:27Now, I'm about to meet a new business acquaintance.
10:30Well, I guess this will go off without a hitch, won't it?
10:33Won't it?
10:36Hi, mate.
10:37Paul.
10:38Hi, Paul.
10:39Nah, it's Jonno.
10:41Right.
10:43You got got.
10:45My name's not Paul, it's Jonno.
10:48I got you.
10:50It's just a bit of fun.
10:52It's just a cheeky bit of fun.
10:55Yeah, so why did you lie about it?
10:57It's cheeky, but it's harmless.
10:59It's not hurting anybody.
11:09Hi, are you Claire?
11:11Yes.
11:12Kevin called for you.
11:14Oh, great, cos my phone died,
11:15so it was smart of him to call the restaurant.
11:17Yeah, he left you a message.
11:18He said he's not going to be able to come and meet you anymore
11:20because he looked at your profile pictures
11:22and they made him not want to come.
11:28Ah.
11:31OK.
11:33OK?
11:43I guess I should just pay for all this bread I've eaten
11:46and then I'll go home.
11:47Oh, the bread's complimentary.
11:49She's the luckiest girl in the world.
11:56No more page three.
11:57No more page three.
11:58No more page three.
11:59There we go.
12:00No more page three.
12:01No more page three.
12:03Yeah, she was there too ugly to get on page three.
12:05Yeah, bloody bitches!
12:06Why don't you take your T-shirts off?
12:08Take your T-shirts off and put your bras on and burn them
12:11and stop being a feminist, you stupid lesbian and dykes.
12:15Women are shit.
12:16They should cook me a dinner, not be a feminist.
12:19Please don't make them take page three away again,
12:23cos what am I going to do?
12:24Think about me.
12:25I can't look at young tits wherever I like in front of kids.
12:29I'll have to wait till I go home.
12:31I'm in my own private space, and I don't want it.
12:34And cops are the best, and I'm glad I've got one,
12:37and we're faster than you.
12:45So, could I have the leaf, largely?
12:50So, do you guys do a lot of stuff on social media?
12:53Yeah.
12:54SCREAMS
12:58I couldn't find a use for this old egg,
13:00so I simply put it in this empty crisp packet,
13:04and now it's in this empty crisp packet.
13:11Yeah, no, it should be good.
13:12I've spoken to James, he's in, Pete's in,
13:14Kat's in, maybe...
13:16Oh, and Leon can't come any more.
13:17Yeah, but whatever.
13:19He's probably going to be at home on his computer, isn't he?
13:21Yeah.
13:22Do you need any help with Tick?
13:26What? Sorry?
13:27You were saying about computers?
13:30Yeah.
13:31You were saying that you were desperately struggling
13:33to get your head around some Tick.
13:35I'm an IT whiz, and a rather nice chap,
13:39and I'd be more than willing to give you the help
13:41that you require to get to the bottom of your Tick problem.
13:45We don't have a Tick problem.
13:46We weren't talking about Tick.
13:51Ah, shit.
13:53Shit!
13:54Ah, come.
13:55You get back to what you're doing, your conversation,
13:57I'll return to my two black coffees
13:59and stop annoying you.
14:00Sorry.
14:01Ah, come on.
14:02I don't know if it's so weird, but I don't actually have a problem with my phone.
14:05Yeah, ask him, yeah.
14:06Um, sorry, I'm...
14:08Sorry, this is so weird.
14:09Did you say you worked in IT?
14:11Yes, I work in IT,
14:12and there's nothing weird about immersing yourself
14:15in the world of Tick.
14:16Come on, sweetheart, let me hear about the Tick.
14:19OK, well, um, I've just got a new phone,
14:21but it's for the wrong contract.
14:22I'm on EE, so it needs unlocking.
14:24Do you know how I'd go about...?
14:25Are you having a piss?
14:27Sorry?
14:28You don't know how to unlock your phone?
14:30Why don't you find out for yourself, you silliness?
14:33Unbelievable!
14:35You are dumb to me now.
14:36I consider you to be dumb for me.
14:38Excuse me, can you not speak to my friend like that?
14:40OK, OK, confident.
14:42Give me the phone.
14:49There you go.
14:50It's fixed.
14:51But know this.
14:52I wish I'd never turned around and asked you
14:54if you wanted any help with Tick.
15:01Oh, my God, he's upgraded it.
15:03What? Yeah.
15:05It's ringing.
15:06Really? Yeah.
15:09Hello?
15:11Hello?
15:13Can I have lunch with you both?
15:16Hello.
15:17We are the Sexy American Girls.
15:19We are rock-pop duo and dance professionals.
15:22And welcome to the exclusive VIP making of our music video
15:26for our new single,
15:28My Pussy Is A Petrol Pump.
15:31Ow!
15:33My pussy is a petrol pump
15:35Feeling greasy, baby oil
15:37Grown-up oil, put on my body
15:39Worth so much money
15:41I'm going to die
15:43My pussy is a petrol pump
15:45Feeling greasy, baby oil
15:47Grown-up oil, put on my body
15:49Worth so much money
15:51Please, first, can we get to know
15:53the sweet babies behind the music, please?
15:55Of course you can, as you are so nicely,
15:57you fucking cheeky devil.
15:59My name is Marsha,
16:00and I'm the crazy messed-up one of the group.
16:02Am I going to leave the group?
16:03Am I going to mess everything up?
16:04What am I going to do?
16:05Smoke a cigarette?
16:06Have one beers?
16:07Or maybe even be so horny?
16:10Being away from home is very exciting,
16:12but also a nightmare from hell.
16:17This is our auntie Tugboof.
16:18She does give us the make-up and hairs
16:20of our American dreams.
16:22Today is her happy birthday,
16:243-16.
16:30We write what we know,
16:31and what we know is luxury, style and fashion.
16:33And the most luxurious product of the world
16:35is petrol, baby.
16:37Petrol stations are so classic and proud.
16:40I can get whatever I want here.
16:42I can get whatever I need here.
16:44Chris, sandwich.
16:45Lottery, sandwich.
16:47And that is the end of our music video, baby.
16:50So get out of here, you nosy boys.
16:59I put too many leaks in the frittata.
17:04I put too many leaks in the frittata.
17:17Hey, baby.
17:18Sorry to keep you waiting.
17:20What can I say?
17:21Your boyfriend gets a lot of attention.
17:24Now, where was I?
17:26Oh, yeah.
17:27I put too many leaks in the frittata.
17:32Yeah.
17:33Okay.
17:34Baby, don't you like it when I say the words?
17:37I put too many leaks in the frittata.
17:40I did at first,
17:41but it's pretty much the only thing you say.
17:43It gets really boring after a while.
17:46Don't you have any other stories?
17:48Yeah, yeah.
17:49Go on.
17:50After the leaks,
17:52I put too much tahini in the casserole.
17:56I knew it.
17:59Everyone!
18:00Everyone!
18:01This man is not attractive.
18:03He's just been saying this thing about leaks.
18:05However much you may want to,
18:07do not try to kiss him.
18:09Pathetic.
18:12Baby.
18:14Oh, come on.
18:16You, mate.
18:24Hard luck, pal.
18:25Food okay?
18:26Yeah.
18:27There was too much paprika in the goulash.
18:30But...
18:39I'll tell the chef.
18:40Yeah.
18:56This is crazy!
18:58What are we doing just sat here?
19:00It's crazy!
19:01There's an army of us,
19:03and we're going to let these few people
19:05ruin our community
19:06because they've got the money?
19:08No!
19:09No way!
19:10I, for one, have had enough.
19:12I've had enough as well, Caesar.
19:14So what are we going to do?
19:15Are we going to get off our fat arses?
19:17Yeah!
19:18So let's get out there and do something about it!
19:24She's fucking right!
19:25She's fucking right!
19:29Blackened skies,
19:31our hearts feel weighed down by the rain.
19:41So we reach our swords to heaven, lads,
19:47and reveal the sun again.
19:54Sing not for times we've had,
19:59but sing for the times to come.
20:06So we reach our swords to heaven, lads,
20:13and reveal the sun again.
20:20So we reach our swords to heaven, lads,
20:26and reveal the sun again.
20:34So we reach our swords to heaven, lads,
20:40and reveal the sun again.
20:49Say that again.
20:51So let's get out there and do something about it!
20:58Sorry, or we could stay and sing another one.
21:03All right, singing's great,
21:04but we've been singing for two days now,
21:06so why don't we just stop singing
21:08and get out there and make something happen?
21:11Yeah!
21:12What do you mean?
21:14We are walking like in a Dolce Vita
21:18This time we got it right
21:22We're living like in a Dolce Vita
21:26Mmm, gonna dream tonight
21:30We're dancing like in a Dolce Vita
21:34With lights and music on
21:37We're dancing like in a Dolce Vita
21:41With lights and music on
21:45Our love is made in the Dolce Vita
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