00:00Nearest and Dearest, P584-16, Part 1.
00:20Fifteen seconds.
00:50As part of the policy of Pledge's Pure of Pickles for making working conditions the
01:01most comfortable in the north of England, I am sure you'll agree with me when I say
01:05that this new addition to our factory fulfils a long-standing need.
01:09Thank you, thank you, thank you.
01:13I will now call upon my fellow director, Miss Nellie Pledge, to inaugurate the edifice.
01:18You are?
01:19Well, you want me to do it?
01:20Yes, yes, crack.
01:21What?
01:22In front of all these people?
01:23Oh, come on, Nellie, you can't let them down.
01:24Let them down?
01:25I mean, it's your idea.
01:26You exaggerate the inspiration.
01:27All right, I'll have a go, then.
01:28Shall I be a minute?
01:29Thank you, thank you.
01:30Where do you think you're going?
01:31In there.
01:32Oh, you'll have to wait a minute.
01:33I'll be right back.
18:43Hello, Grenville!
18:47Grandayy vinegar beer here.
18:51Oh, well, that isn't it, is it?
18:54Anybody have a drink with me?
18:58Look, lads, I'm still the same as you, really.
19:02Hey, all this lot he doesn't mean out!
19:06Underneath that, do you know,
19:08I'm just the same old Stan that you come to know and love.
19:13I'm still a working chap.
19:16Hey, hey, and I tell you, I'll still go to the chip shop for you.
19:22Ah, there you are, Stan.
19:25I see you've got the idea, keeping your distance from that lot, have you?
19:28That's it, first lesson, don't fraternise with the workers.
19:33Now, well, you must rise above the common herd now, Stanley.
19:37I mean, look at me. They may not like me, but by hell, they respect me.
19:42Who did that?
19:44Charming. Anyway, I'll have a drink with you, Stan. Two pints, please.
19:47Yes, now you've got that key, Stanley, you must learn to stand alone.
19:50Ah, but, you know, I miss the cheery smiles and the merry quips
19:54when I come to the factory in the morning.
19:57Well, Stanley, I've told you, their happy cries of,
20:00''How's your belly?'' off the spots and up yours
20:03is hardly boardroom small talk, is it?
20:06Oh, no, Stanley, especially when it's addressed to our Nelly.
20:12Hey, hey, do you know what they're going in there for?
20:16We're going to have a loving with Vinnie Govera.
20:18No, they're going to decide who's to be the new leader.
20:21Well, what do you expect me to do? Wait till I see three puffs of white smoke?
20:26No, what I'm trying to tell you, like, I want to go back to them.
20:31Cos they need somebody with my foresight and vision.
20:37It's over here, you short-sighted old sugar bag.
20:42Anyway, you're going to change horses at Middle Up Pub?
20:45Yes, here I. Is that your last word?
20:48Definitely. You know what you've just done, Stanley?
20:51You have resigned your seat.
20:54And don't forget, you're me for two bog rolls.
20:59What's going on in that factory?
21:01I just went over there to see if that Christmas packing was all right for those gherkins.
21:05And there's nobody there, except Stan's horse.
21:08And he's flat out.
21:10Just eaten his way through two tonnes of red cabbage.
21:14Nelly, love, it's not going as I planned.
21:17What do you mean? Stan's not cracking the whip?
21:20I think the white whip's cracked him.
21:22We shall overcome.
21:25We shall overcome.
21:29Who do you think they are? Black and white minstrels?
21:32Black and white minstrels?
21:34It's a strike meeting.
21:36Strike meeting?
21:38You don't mean to tell me you're going to strike over the littlest room in the factory?
21:43I mean, I thought it was just a flash in the pan.
21:47We've decided that if we let the management get away with this, we're going to be left up the creek.
21:54You're not going to let them close that factory, are you?
21:57What have you got to say?
21:58I'll tell them to get knotted.
22:00You must talk like a diplomat, not like a behemoth.
22:05Talk to them smooth, soft, suave.
22:11Suave?
22:13Leave it to me.
22:15Pardon me.
22:16Would you lot kindly mind getting knotted?
22:20You've got about as much tact as our bloody tomcat, haven't you?
22:25It's got to be smooth.
22:27Just a minute, I'll show you.
22:28Right, go on.
22:29Now, come on, boys and girls.
22:30Come on, I'd just like to have a few words with you, if you don't mind.
22:33Would you mind helping me up onto this chair?
22:35Not at all.
22:36There you are.
22:37Thank you very much.
22:38Not at all.
22:40Now, boys and girls, now, boys and girls.
22:41I can't understand you having this wild cat.
22:43Stop it, officers.
22:45I mean, it's not like the old days, you know, when they treated you like pit ponies.
22:49Pickling from morning until night.
22:51In the dark, by candlelight.
22:54I mean, me and our Eli, you know, we're not monsters.
22:59Well, I'm not.
23:01But, I mean, well, now, what did we do when we just took over the factory?
23:05We gave you 20 minutes instead of 10 minutes for your dinner hour.
23:09What are you getting at, Miss Nelly?
23:11Well, if I might be suggestive, I'd like to get Stan over a table and see if we can't get back to work.
23:23That's what I was about to say.
23:25I mean, all strikes can be solved by a little peaceful consummation.
23:33See, Stan, you'll always find a solution if you put your heads together.
23:37I think it's a belting idea, Miss Nelly.
23:40I wish I'd have thought of it.
23:42Well, although I say it myself, where brains are concerned, Nelly Pledge isn't exactly a bugger to rubbish.
23:49Well, have you settled it, then?
23:51Yes, we have.
23:52Well, what are we going to do?
23:53We're going to demolish the lavatory.
23:54Oh, no, you're not.
23:56Oh, yes, we are.
23:58We're going to destroy it completely and then there'll be no more arguments.
24:02Oh, but you can't demolish that lavatory.
24:04Why can't we demolish that lavatory?
24:06Nelly, look, you can't demolish that lavatory.
24:10Give me one good reason why we cannot demolish that lavatory.
24:14I'll give you one good reason.
24:16Our first VIP, Mr. Sidebottom, happens to be in it.
24:21Bloody hell.
24:26All I did was pull the bloody chain.
25:33Thirty seconds.
25:40Nearest and Dearest, P584-16, part one.
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26:26As part of the policy of Pledges Pure Appicles
26:28for Making Working Conditions the Most Comfortable in the North of England,
26:31I am sure you'll agree with me
26:33when I say that this new addition to our factory fulfils a long-standing need.
26:38Hooray!
26:40Thank you, thank you, thank you.
26:42I will now call upon
26:43my fellow director, Miss Milly Pledge,
26:45to inaugurate the edifice.
26:46You are?
26:47You are first track.
26:48Well, do you want me to do it?
26:49What? In front of all these people?
26:53Oh, come on, Nellie, you can't let them down.
26:55Let them down? I mean, it's your idea.
26:58You exaggerate the inspiration.
27:00All right, I'll have a go then.
27:02Shall I be a minute?
27:13Thank you, thank you. Where do you think you're going?
27:16In there.
27:17Oh, you'll have to hold it a minute, Stan.
27:19But it's bursting with curiosity.
27:21Well, they'll just have to burst, won't they?
27:23No, no, stop for you lot. This is an executive's washroom.
27:26A what?
27:27Well, for gaffers only, this, Stan. That's me and our Nellie in a chosen few.
27:30All big firms have one of these.
27:32Stops the workers ob-nobbing with the bosses.
27:34Yes, you can't go in there, Stan.
27:36This is only for people with a special executive key.
27:41Can't leave that to them.
27:42I've just bloody done it.
27:44I'm warning you, Eli. You're spitting against the wind.
27:48Now, Eli, now, now.
27:50You just keep your place, Stan, and you know where that is, don't you?
27:53Across the yard, turn left, there's three acres of down lake ground there.
27:57And don't be so petty-minded.
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