00:00I was born with ambiguous genitalia.
00:06The doctors couldn't tell whether I was male or female.
00:11My body doesn't produce any estrogen, and my brain density is that of a 60-year-old.
00:18I'm Stephanie, I'm 28.
00:20I was born intersex, and I have congenital adrenal hyperplasia.
00:31When I was 11 years old, mum and dad sat me down at the dinner table.
00:38It started with a discussion around how I was born without a cervix, so I couldn't
00:43have a child.
00:45They said that when I was born, the doctors discovered that I had an enlarged clitoris,
00:51I had folds that were a bit bigger, and they found that I also had unformed testes.
00:58They said that the doctors couldn't tell whether I was male or female, and that I had
01:05a surgery to make me a female, but I have male chromosomes.
01:12Congenital adrenal hyperplasia, I sometimes get the pronunciation a bit wrong sometimes,
01:17but for me that means a hormonal system that doesn't function like everyone else's.
01:25That will affect everything from bone formation through to my body development.
01:31I have a complete lack of estrogen development, but I knew from a fairly young age that I
01:37felt like a girl.
01:40Being intersex, being born with ambiguous genitalia, there was a lot of shame that came
01:45through around not being born normal.
01:49I kept it secret because that was a safety mechanism for me.
01:54I didn't look in the mirror at my body.
01:56There was shame there.
01:58It was so difficult being around young girls who were talking about developing and hormones.
02:04I can't say anything because if I did, it just gave it all away.
02:10Towards the end of primary school, there were some students that found out.
02:14At the time, my parents and I were on an email chain with some doctors talking about hormonal
02:20therapy that I was about to start.
02:22Once kids had found the emails, they had printed them off and put them up on a wallet
02:27out at my primary school, I just froze.
02:30The secret was out.
02:34The bullying only increased from there.
02:36Shim, thing, it, freak, you know, all sorts of words.
02:42I have experienced forms of loneliness that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
02:47I just sat in my room and it would wash over me in waves, this reminder of just how much
02:54of an island I really was.
02:58And it was, it was painful.
03:04When I was 14 years old, the specialist sat me down with my mom.
03:08They examined the actions that were made when I had my initial invasive surgery as a baby
03:14and said, Stephanie might have had the potential to be able to produce children had those testes
03:20remained in her body.
03:22I realised then I had become sterilised at birth.
03:27I do remember feeling very disheartened and frustrated with doctors at that point.
03:37University was fantastic in that there was a completely new environment, drinking and
03:43partying and having a good time.
03:45I had breast augmentation and I finally started feeling attractive to people that I wanted
03:51to date.
03:52But I still didn't have that confidence to be able to say to people, I'm into sex.
04:01As I was walking to the shops one afternoon, I suddenly felt incredibly dizzy.
04:06I went incredibly pale and cold and clammy, a slight bluish tinge on the lips.
04:11I spoke to my partner that had to call an ambulance.
04:14They said that I was having a complete collapse of my endocrine system.
04:19They liken it sometimes to like a hypo with a diabetic.
04:22You just start to crash and you require an injection of something.
04:27At the time, I sort of ignored doctor's advice on taking certain medications because it was
04:32becoming a daily reminder of that part of me that I just didn't want to acknowledge.
04:37It woke me up to the fact that I needed to take this more seriously.
04:42Oh God, it feels a bit foolish looking back on it now, to be honest.
04:48It's been eight years since I've had adrenal fatigue crisis.
04:54When I was first able to talk to my friends about me being into sex, they actually just
05:00didn't really care, which was like one of the best reactions I could have had from that.
05:04You know, they didn't mind.
05:06It didn't affect our social dynamic or our friendships in any way.
05:12I suppose everyone's different in a way, so it kind of makes you feel normal.
05:16It's normal to be different.
05:17It's such a paradox to say it like that.
05:21Mum and dad have always been very supportive of me speaking about my story.
05:26Now I work in policy with a big charity, but I also do a lot of time in politics and advocacy
05:32as well.
05:33I want to speak up and see some change around protecting intersex children.
05:38I used to feel shabam, you know, there was that stigma of the world isn't going to pick
05:44you.
05:45But the mantra I use for myself every single day is, I pick me.
05:50I would genuinely say now I'm significantly more confident in who I am and how I see myself.
05:56Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, yes, I feel like who I see is who
06:02I am.
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