- 2 years ago
funny
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FunTranscript
00:00Yes, sir.
00:01This is an English class.
00:03When you arrive here, I expect you to speak English.
00:06No more buenos noches, good evening.
00:08Sorry.
00:09Yeah.
00:10Good day to you, Señor Brown.
00:14Adios, Pato.
00:16Buenas eras.
00:18No, buenas eras, speak it English.
00:21Can't you tell me to speak it English, you great Spanish onion?
00:24You know, I'm a very good English teacher.
00:27You tell me to speak a day English, you great Spanish onion.
00:32I punch your head in, you Italian ice cream.
00:36All right, I can do.
00:38Sit down.
00:39You tell him, signore.
00:40I'm telling both of you, you sit down.
00:42All right, all right.
00:43And I'll tell you what I told Juan.
00:44This is an English class, and when you arrive here, I expect you to speak English.
00:47No more buonasera, good evening.
00:49Okey-dokey.
00:50Good.
00:51Kalisperas.
00:52Guten abend.
00:53Bonsoir, Monsieur Brian.
00:54I give up.
00:56Good evening, Master G.
00:57Ah, good evening, Jamila.
00:59I have knit for you a scarf.
01:02Oh, very kind of you.
01:05Very patriotic.
01:09Quite long.
01:10Ah, it is bestowed as pair of sockies.
01:15But I forget to turn round heel, so I make it little bit more longer.
01:21Oh, thank you very much.
01:23Sure it will come in useful.
01:27Ah, good evening, Suzie.
01:29Harold.
01:30Good evening.
01:31Yes.
01:33Right, now, before we go...
01:37Before we go any further this evening,
01:39the education authority are taking some kind of census,
01:43and require these forms for the year.
01:45So, it's self-explanatory, if you'd complete them now.
01:49And then if you have any problems, don't hesitate to ask,
01:52because that's what I'm here for, all right?
01:54Eh, I have problem.
01:56Pardon, how can you have a problem?
01:58You haven't even looked at your form yet.
02:00No pen.
02:03Ah, grazie.
02:04Right, anybody else got a pen?
02:06Si, professore.
02:07Right, now, all you have to do is fill in your surname,
02:09your first names, your address in England,
02:11your birth, occupation, sex, marital status,
02:14and what subject you're taking.
02:16Suzie.
02:17Yes, dear darling.
02:18I have a problem with my first names.
02:20Well, surely you know them.
02:21Sure.
02:22Giovanni, Vincenzo, Marco, Dino, Alberto, Lena.
02:25Yeah, all right, so what's the problem?
02:27I can't get them on the paper.
02:30Well, just put as many as you can.
02:32Okey-cokey.
02:33Monsieur Brown, please,
02:35I do not know the name of the hospital where I was born.
02:38You don't have to put the hospital, just the town.
02:41Just the town?
02:42Have you put the hospital too?
02:44No, place where born?
02:46Bed.
02:52Finished.
02:54Good.
02:55Correction, not so good.
02:57Por favor?
02:58The correct answer to sex is not at least once a week.
03:05You should put male or female.
03:07Eh, no sex with male.
03:11Only female.
03:14Silencio!
03:17What do you want?
03:19You're supposed to be studying the books.
03:21Who say so?
03:23I say so.
03:25Yeah?
03:26Look, professor is put me in charge.
03:29You got to do what I tell you.
03:31Now, I'm going to ask the questions
03:33and you're going to give me the answers.
03:36Okey-cokey.
03:39Ali.
03:40Yes, please.
03:41What is a nauna?
03:43Oh, blimey.
03:44It is very simple.
03:46Nauna is a lady who is living in a convent.
03:51That's a nauna.
03:53Jamila.
03:56What's the plural of a thief?
03:59Eh?
04:00The plural of a thief.
04:02A thief.
04:05Robbers.
04:06No.
04:07No, not robbers.
04:09Look, these are robbers.
04:13Now, one thief, two thieves.
04:17That's better.
04:19Max.
04:21What's the opposite of bitter?
04:24Lotter.
04:26That's not right.
04:28Sure it is.
04:30Opposite of bitter money is lotter money.
04:34Juan, I ask you the question.
04:37What is the name for a group of cows?
04:40Por favor.
04:41What?
04:42Hey, come on.
04:43You know what I'm saying.
04:44You might have fooled Professor, you not fool me, huh?
04:47Now, what's the name for a group of cows?
04:50I don't know.
04:51A herd of cows.
04:53Por favor.
04:54Herd of cows.
04:56Sure I heard of cows.
04:59Santa Maria, a herd of cows is a lot of cows.
05:03And you speak a lot of bold.
05:08Thank you, Giovanni.
05:10Thank goodness you're back.
05:11I tell you, Professor, I don't know...
05:13Please, I am having a very funny thought.
05:16He's Pakistani.
05:18She's Chinese.
05:19If they have a baby, it'll be Pekingese.
05:24How dare you?
05:25I should be teaching you not to be insulting.
05:28You ignorant son of a bearded poof.
05:31Come on, Larry.
05:32You are son of the offspring of a cockatiel.
05:35All right, that'll do.
05:36Come on.
05:37Let's not forget why we're here.
05:38You still have a lot to learn.
05:39Back to your places, everyone.
05:40And put those glasses away.
05:45I like him.
05:46He's very good.
05:49Pardon?
05:50Shopping.
05:51I like his Polonaise.
05:59Giovanni, that's Chopin.
06:01He must have misheard me.
06:02Now, we're going to talk about shopping.
06:04Buying things.
06:05Now, I have here various items,
06:07which at some time or another,
06:08you'll all probably have to purchase.
06:10So I'm going to hold them up
06:11and ask you to identify them
06:12and we'll see how well you do, all right?
06:14Who should we start with?
06:15Ali.
06:16Yes, please.
06:17What is this?
06:18Apple.
06:21Lovely.
06:22Very good.
06:23You're not supposed to eat it.
06:25Oh, I'm most sorry.
06:26I only had a small bite.
06:29May as well finish it now.
06:31Shuli, what is this?
06:33It is orange.
06:34Orange.
06:36Orange.
06:37All rinse.
06:39That's better.
06:40You really must work at those R sounds.
06:43I try very hard.
06:45Try saying,
06:46Round the rugged rock
06:48the ragged rascal ran.
06:51Round the luggered lock
06:52the luggered rascal ran.
06:59Yes, you're going to have to keep practising.
07:01Anna, what is this?
07:03Paper bag.
07:06Yes, but what's inside it?
07:07I do not know.
07:08I cannot see inside.
07:10Well, it's flour.
07:11You know what flour is.
07:12Yeah, but you wear it at a wedding.
07:17No, no, no.
07:18It's not that kind of flour.
07:19This is flour to make pastry and bread.
07:21Ah, vice mail.
07:24Jamila.
07:25What is this?
07:27Gadget.
07:29Yes, I'm sure you're right,
07:30but what is it in English?
07:34Have you never heard of a carrot?
07:37Carrot?
07:38Yes, carrot.
07:40Oh, yes.
07:42Horse and carrot.
07:47Incredible.
07:48No, no, no, Jamila.
07:49That's horse and cart.
07:50This is...
07:52This is a carrot.
07:56Who can tell me what these are?
07:58Fish fingers.
07:59Good. Well done.
08:00Excuse, please.
08:01No, Annie, don't say it.
08:02What do I not say?
08:03You were going to say something about fish not having fingers?
08:06Yes, please.
08:07Yeah, well, don't bother.
08:10Mash.
08:11Tomato.
08:12Good.
08:13Giovanni.
08:14Lime juice.
08:15Good.
08:16Juan.
08:17Cow juice.
08:18No, no, no.
08:25Milk.
08:26Ah, yes, milk.
08:28Do you know where we get milk from, Juan?
08:31Señora.
08:32The milk man.
08:35Quiet, please.
08:37We get milk from cows.
08:39SÃ, vaca.
08:40Cow.
08:43Ranjit.
08:45Cornflakes?
08:47No, oats.
08:48Oats?
08:50Ah, that is oats.
08:52My friend, who I'm working with,
08:54every morning he's telling me
08:56last night he's had his oats.
09:01He's telling me he likes them very much.
09:06Well, I'm sure he does.
09:09Who can tell me what this is?
09:10Bacon.
09:11Good.
09:12And where does bacon come from?
09:14At the milk man.
09:18Bacon does not come from the milk man.
09:20Every week I buy the bacon from the milk man.
09:23Pig.
09:24Pig.
09:25Pig?
09:26You are calling me a pig?
09:27You are calling me a pig?
09:30You are a pig, you Italian ravioli.
09:33Ah, shut your plates of meat, you uncle.
09:37Never mind, that'll do.
09:39Juan, what Giovanni was trying to say
09:41is that bacon comes from a pig.
09:43Soran.
09:46Now, can anyone tell me what we call a pig
09:48after it has been killed?
09:50Yes, please.
09:51It is dead pig.
09:54Now, where is Mr. Brown?
09:55Where is Mr. Brown?
09:56Mr. Brown not alive.
09:58Oh, this is too bad.
09:59He should be here.
10:01You want I give Mr. Brown a massage?
10:06I presume you mean message.
10:08Collect.
10:09No, thank you.
10:11No, I shall wait until he arrives.
10:13It will give me an opportunity to find out
10:15how much you have learnt.
10:17She's precious little, I suspect.
10:18Now, quiet, quiet.
10:21Very well.
10:22Let's see if we can find out
10:23how much you have learnt from Mr. Brown.
10:26Can anyone give me a sentence
10:27containing the word catalyst?
10:31Oh, come along, somebody.
10:33Catalyst.
10:35Por favor, senora.
10:36Yes?
10:38In my country, Spain,
10:41most of the people are Roman catalysts.
10:49I don't believe it.
10:52That's not right.
10:53No.
10:54Italy's a much bigger catalyst country.
10:56Nah.
10:58A little present.
10:59What?
11:00No, you shouldn't have.
11:01But we already have.
11:05May your shadow never diminish.
11:10Oh, thank you.
11:11Can I open it now?
11:12Yes, please.
11:13It is something for you to be using every day.
11:17Oh, a pen.
11:18Very nice.
11:19It is what you are calling
11:21a waterfall pen.
11:24A waterfall pen?
11:25That is correct.
11:26Ah, you mean a fountain pen.
11:28A thousand apologies for my ignorance.
11:32Excuse me.
11:34What for you buy a pen?
11:35For birthday.
11:36I buy the pen.
11:37I'm not knowing what you are buying.
11:39Well, you take your pen
11:40and change for something else.
11:41No, it is you must be changing.
11:43Teacher prefer my pen.
11:45Ah, you know.
11:47Mr. Brown,
11:48my pen much better.
11:49It write under water.
11:51Oh, I'm sure that's very useful.
11:52My pen write in different colors.
11:54Well, I tell you what,
11:55I'll take both pens.
11:56I mean, after all,
11:57two pens are better than one.
11:58Excuse.
11:59Please, sir.
12:00Yes, Terry.
12:03Oh.
12:06Three pen, sir.
12:07Better than two.
12:10You haven't.
12:11Yes, sir.
12:12Well, I tell you what,
12:13rather than show any preference,
12:14I think it'd be a good idea
12:15if you all exchanged your pens
12:17for something else.
12:18Yeah?
12:19But thank you, anyway.
12:20Thank you.
12:22Por favor.
12:23Yes, Juan.
12:25Felicidades en su cumpleaños.
12:27Por favor?
12:28Pardon?
12:29Happy born day.
12:31Birthday?
12:32Si, si.
12:33Oh, thank you.
12:34Wonder what this is.
12:36Pluma estilografica.
12:38Yeah?
12:39What's that?
12:40Pen.
12:43Oh, dear.
12:44I change.
12:45Yeah, I think so.
12:46So do I.
12:48Happy birthday, Professor.
12:49Thank you, Giovanni.
12:51For you.
12:53Well, at least it's not a pen.
12:55It's a salami.
12:56Much garlic.
12:57Very strong.
12:58Yeah, I can smell that.
12:59Thank you.
13:01Quiz, please.
13:02Many happy returnings.
13:04Thank you, Ali.
13:05I'm buying for you nothing at all.
13:10Oh, well, never mind.
13:12But I'm giving you this.
13:13Oh, a card?
13:14Oh, no.
13:15Inside, you will be finding a gift voucher from Harrods.
13:18Harrods?
13:19Oh, yes, please.
13:20And you can be buying anything whatsoever you are wishing.
13:23Anything?
13:24Yes.
13:25From Harrods of Knightsbridge?
13:26No, please.
13:27Harrods of Camden.
13:29Abraham Harrods.
13:30Second-hand shop.
13:31Nothing over one pound.
13:34Well, thank you, Ali.
13:38Yes, Jamila?
13:42Hoppy?
13:43Happy, yes.
13:45Birthday.
13:46Well done.
13:47Thank you.
13:50Oh.
13:55Very nice.
13:58Holy.
14:00Holy?
14:01Yes, holy.
14:03Oh, holy.
14:06Born by guy.
14:08Guy?
14:09What, a holy monk?
14:11No, guy.
14:12No, guy.
14:19Holy cow.
14:26Now it is my turn to give you something.
14:28Yes, Daniel?
14:30But first, I wish you a happy birthday, as we do in France.
14:34Quiet, quiet.
14:36Thank you.
14:37Thank you, Daniel.
14:40And I have something very French.
14:42Oh, thank you.
14:44Oh, eau de toilette.
14:46Merci beaucoup.
14:47Je vous en prie.
14:49It is a pleasure for me to give you something.
14:52Excuse, please.
14:54What is that?
14:55Oh, it's nothing.
14:56It's nothing.
14:57It's nothing.
14:58It's nothing.
14:59It's nothing.
15:00It's nothing.
15:01Excuse, please.
15:02What is the nature of the gift you are receiving from Daniel?
15:06Eau de toilette.
15:07Toilet water.
15:08You put it on your face.
15:13You are putting water from the toilet on your face?
15:18No, Ali, it's not that kind of toilet.
15:21Jolly good.
15:23May the spirit of universal brotherhood descend upon you.
15:26Well, I'm sure it will.
15:28Hope to read every day.
15:29Every day.
15:30Oh, I hope it's a good read.
15:31The best.
15:32Thoughts of Chairman Mao.
15:35Very uplifting.
15:37Personally autographed.
15:38By Mao?
15:39By me.
15:44Now is me.
15:45Yes, Anna.
15:47I have made for you ein großer Apfelstrudel.
15:51It's very grosser.
15:53Danke.
15:54Bitte.
15:55Well, thank you all for your generous gifts.
15:59But I really think we ought to get on with the lesson.
16:02Now, this week we're going to look at the vowel sounds, right?
16:08Now, does anybody know what a vowel sound is?
16:10Yes, please.
16:11It is a rumbling tummy.
16:16Ali, vowel, not bowel.
16:18Sorry, please.
16:19Right, well, there are five vowels in the alphabet.
16:22A, E, I, O and U.
16:25A, E, I, O, U.
16:31Good.
16:32Now, firstly we'll take the letter A.
16:34Now, this can be pronounced in three different ways.
16:36It can be A, A, or R.
16:40A, A, or R.
16:44Excuse me.
16:45Yes, Max?
16:46I am not understanding.
16:47How can A be R?
16:52It's not the letter R.
16:53It's sometimes pronounced R.
16:56And I am what language?
16:58It's all right.
16:59I'll give you some examples.
17:00Let us take the word F-A-T.
17:03Now, that has a flat A sound.
17:07Ah.
17:09Good.
17:10But if we add an E to the end of fat, then what do we have?
17:16Fatty.
17:20No, Giovanni.
17:21Fate.
17:22Does anybody know what the word fate means?
17:25Por favor.
17:26Yes, Juan.
17:28Two fate.
17:29Two fate?
17:30Si, senor.
17:31One right fate.
17:33One left fate.
17:39No, Juan.
17:40Those are feet.
17:41Ah.
17:42Perdón.
17:43Right.
17:44Moving on to the E.
17:45Now, the letter E is usually pronounced E.
17:48As in bet, set, get.
17:51There are, of course, exceptions to the rule.
17:53For example, F-E-T-E is also pronounced fate.
17:59Si, senor.
18:00One right fate.
18:01No.
18:02One left fate.
18:04No, Juan.
18:05No.
18:06Perdón.
18:07Feet, I told you before.
18:08It's all right.
18:09It's all right.
18:10Right.
18:11Moving on to the letter I.
18:12This is usually pronounced I or E.
18:15E.
18:16Good.
18:17Now, can anybody give me an example of the E sound?
18:19E.
18:21Well, how would you pronounce F-I-T?
18:25Feet.
18:26Si, senor.
18:27One right fate.
18:28One left fate.
18:30No, Juan.
18:31No.
18:32Ya, imbecile.
18:34Yo imbecile?
18:35Imbecile, tú.
18:36Italiano idiota.
18:37No, no capito.
18:38No.
18:40Listen, if you want to argue, argue in English.
18:43Go back to Italy, you Italian spaghetti.
18:46Ah, shut up.
18:47You big Spanish omelette.
18:50Excuse me.
18:51A ladyship wants to see you in the office.
18:53Oh, thank you, Gladys.
18:54I'll be in in a moment.
18:55Hey, maybe she's going to get you a birthday present.
18:58Yes, and maybe the Pope's getting married.
19:01He is?
19:03I never heard that.
19:05It was a joke.
19:06Look, I'll be as quick as I can.
19:08Meanwhile, if you'll all turn to page 83
19:10and study the sentences giving examples of the various vowel sounds.
19:13Giovanni, would you take charge of the class while I'm away?
19:16Sure.
19:17Allow me.
19:18Thank you.
19:20Sir, will you all pay attention, please?
19:21I have something rather important to tell you.
19:23I'm afraid that Miss Courtney has terminated my engagement.
19:26It is a very big surprise to me.
19:28Yeah, well, it was a bit of a shock to me as well.
19:30We are not knowing that you and Miss Courtney were engaged.
19:35No, you don't understand.
19:36I mean to coin a phrase, I've been given the boot.
19:39Si, senor.
19:40One right boot.
19:42Not enough boot.
19:43No, no one.
19:44Look, can't you understand?
19:45I mean I have been fired.
19:46I've been given the bullet.
19:47Ah, Santa Maria.
19:49She tried to shoot you.
19:52I have been dismissed.
19:54Dismissed?
19:55Yeah.
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