LE RÉSUMÉ PAS SURPRENANT DE L'ATTAQUE DES TITANS !! (Vidéo Exclusive Dailymotion)

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26/03/2024

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00:00 [The Attack of the Titans]

00:04 So, today we decided to talk once again about The Attack of the Titans.

00:07 You know, this anime that everyone has seen, including this kind of son of a bitch.

00:10 So I hate anime, because, first of all, it's for kids.

00:14 And exaggerated facial animations, it's big bullshit, it's not realistic.

00:17 But SNK is fine, it's well done, the colossal titan is the family.

00:20 So yes, I know we've already talked about it, but since it's still really nice,

00:24 we thought it was worth devoting an entire episode to it.

00:26 Wow! You're talking twice about The Attack of the Titans, but zero about Seven Deadly Sins!

00:31 Yeah, man, what's the problem, kid? We're fighting, you want to fight?

00:33 Yeah, there's a problem, that's it, you've pissed me off.

00:36 From now on, I'm taking control of the channel and we're going to talk about Seven Deadly Sins!

00:41 You're not going to do anything, you thought you were cool, you're nobody, kid!

00:44 Well, now that Timothée is KO for a few minutes, we can talk quietly.

00:48 The Attack of the Titans is an anime that takes place in a dystopian universe.

00:51 That is to say, a world where humanity is threatened to disappear.

00:53 But threatened by what, you ask?

00:55 Well, by an army of Titans determined to devour all humans.

00:58 And then to digest us quietly on a beach in the Maldives,

01:01 with a piña colada in their hands and their asses in a hammock, swinging in the wind.

01:04 Except that humanity has 3,000 IQ and a hell of a pair of balls.

01:08 Unlike the Titans, who, in addition to being naked,

01:10 spend their time walking around naked from dawn to dusk.

01:13 So to protect themselves, humans built walls.

01:15 But walls so big that only a colossal Titan could climb, lol.

01:19 Except that walls are nice, but they don't kill the Titans.

01:22 And when humans realized that letting the Titans die of boredom

01:25 was not a real solution, but just procrastination,

01:28 they decided to create not one, not two, but three army corps,

01:32 of which only one will be really useful to make history.

01:34 But we're going to start by talking about the two men.

01:36 Out of respect for all these devoted men who fell in combat,

01:39 Sasageyo.

01:40 So the first, named the garrison, is in charge of protecting the inside of the walls.

01:43 But they can't fight, since there's never a Titan inside the walls.

01:45 Which will change very quickly, like, oh, episode 1, season 1.

01:48 So basically, except for getting drunk all day, they're useless, Sasageyo.

01:52 Second group of soldiers useless, the special brigade.

01:55 Well, they're a bit like the garrison, except they only drink quality alcohol,

01:59 like Japanese whiskey, at 500 bucks,

02:01 and don't protect the simple moldy, but only the noble and the rich, Sasageyo.

02:04 And finally, the best for the end, of the really useful people, I named them.

02:08 The exploration battalion! Yeah, three-dimensional maneuver!

02:11 Hopla, second round! I can do that all day, my boy!

02:14 So, indeed, it's the exploration battalion,

02:16 who, thanks to their sophisticated gadgets,

02:18 will have the heavy task of reconquering the world outside the walls.

02:21 Well, usually, it doesn't work, causing the death of dozens of soldiers.

02:24 But they deserve to try,

02:25 unlike people who give up their dream of becoming 100m high champions,

02:28 under the pretext that they don't have legs.

02:29 Everything is an excuse! You have no will!

02:31 That's what I think, that's all, it's the strict truth!

02:33 Take the exploration battalion as an example, Sasageyo, you bunch of jokers!

02:37 By the way, it's in this battalion that the main characters will evolve.

02:40 Armin, aka the weeping Nischar, he loves to cry in critical moments,

02:43 question his life every time he grows his reflection,

02:45 and he was Eren's best friend, until he broke his face for free.

02:49 Mikasa, aka the FIAC's bitch, she likes to protect Eren,

02:52 never leaves the scarf that Eren gave her,

02:54 and she's in love with Eren, until he humiliates her for free in public.

02:57 Eren, aka the guy who will disappoint you, he likes to wear his coat with style,

03:01 never misses an opportunity to humiliate his friends,

03:03 and has the possibility to transform into a huge and dry titan, damn!

03:07 Because yes, some humans are able to transform into primordial titans.

03:11 Basically, they're titans with a clear conscience, with a little special abilities.

03:15 Like the leather-titan, as strong as the prejudices of the national front.

03:18 The beast-titan, triple baseball champion on Wii Sports.

03:21 Or the colossal titan, who, as his name suggests, has a huge figure,

03:24 which allows him to destroy one of the walls mentioned earlier.

03:27 Starting at the same time the story of the anime.

03:29 So thank you to the colossal titan for turning humanity from a climate of peace

03:33 to a climate of anxiety, destruction, war and famine,

03:36 to offer us this sumptuous entertainment.

03:38 Hey, are you serious? You didn't even talk about the Reval's corporal!

03:42 Oh yeah, that's right. Well, wait, let's fix that.

03:44 Blah blah blah, Levi, fight scene.

03:45 Blah blah blah, Jif, where he opens the window.

03:47 Blah blah blah, explosion.

03:48 That was the summary of the Attack of the Titans.

03:50 I hope you enjoyed it.

03:51 I invite you to put a sword in the neck at the bar of likes

03:53 and go check our Tipeee to get sumptuous rewards.

03:57 On this good day, Sasa Gyo everyone!

03:59 Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe.

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