MURICA — Americans can never seem to buy or consume quite enough useless garbage, but luckily Amazon Prime Day is just around the corner and the cherry on top is that it will run for two entire days this year.
Amazon announced that Suckers Day—sorry, Prime Day—will kick off at midnight on Monday July 15, and run for 48 fun-filled shopping hours.
The e-commerce monstrosity claims it will include more than a million deals around the world on a bunch of stuff you definitely don't need, but will probably buy.
According to CNN, Prime Day was first launched in 2015 to celebrate the company's 20th anniversary and was modeled after Black Friday.
CNN reports that Prime Day has since morphed into Amazon's annual summer show of force in the shopping world.
Most importantly, Amazon uses the discount holiday to jam its own junk down people's throats like Alexa , the hot, hot Fire tablet or the Echo speaker.
Prime Day is also used to trick people into signing up for Prime, Amazon's $119-annual free shipping program.
Amazon has promised to unveil special deals for Prime Day and launch new products especially for Prime members in anticipation for this year's shop—pocalypse.
So do whatever you have to do. Donate blood, refinance your mortgage, sell some organs or maybe even a kid or two. Whatever you do—don't miss Prime Day.