Michael Parkinson, UK's 'king of the chat show', dies aged 88
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FunTranscript
00:00 [music]
00:14 When I saw all of those people come to see George Gorsuch's
00:16 show to get beat, and they all paid to get in, that's the thing.
00:20 [laughter]
00:22 And I said, "This is a good idea."
00:25 [laughter]
00:26 And right away I start talking, "I am the greatest!"
00:29 "I am beautiful! If you talk jive, you'll fall in fire!"
00:32 You're a crowd puller, and Frazier's not, is he? Why is that?
00:36 Well, number one, he's ugly.
00:38 [laughter]
00:41 He has no rhythm, no footwork, no class. He cannot talk.
00:47 [laughter]
00:49 And who told him he could sing?
00:51 [laughter]
00:52 I must ask you, it's the question that anybody who meets you must ask you,
00:56 did you ever say, "You dirty rat"?
00:58 Never. That's what I remember, no?
01:00 You didn't.
01:01 No, I kind of assume that I must have suggested it somewhere along the line,
01:07 but I do think that the dead end kids picked it up.
01:10 Did they?
01:11 And they made it very popular. I think this is true.
01:13 I go in to see these cosmetic surgeons, and they forget,
01:18 before the anesthetic takes over, they forget to say,
01:21 "I want people to know who I am when I come out."
01:24 [laughter]
01:25 You know, they go in like a Mercedes,
01:31 and they come out like the backside of a Ford Mondeo.
01:35 [laughter]
01:36 You've been together now for 30 years.
01:38 I don't see my date.
01:40 It's 34 years.
01:41 34 years.
01:42 Yes.
01:43 Do you ever get fed up of each other?
01:44 Oh, yes.
01:45 [laughter]
01:47 He looks the same to me now as he did 30 years ago.
01:49 There's a joke coming up, I guarantee you.
01:51 Go on.
01:52 It's about time you did something about it.
01:54 I know.
01:55 Almost a joke. Almost a joke.
01:57 Well, I packed a horse today, you see.
02:00 A 20 to 1, and it came in 20 past 4.
02:03 [laughter]
02:07 I can't imagine you in the army.
02:09 You were a sergeant as well, weren't you?
02:10 Why can't you imagine it?
02:11 Well, because you're hardly a man of military bearing.
02:14 Is it impersonal?
02:16 [laughter]
02:17 No, no.
02:18 You sure are. You're being lauded, Michael.
02:20 I was sympathizing with you before,
02:22 because you said you had a bit of a bad throat tonight.
02:24 That's true, yes.
02:25 Once cutting.
02:26 [laughter]
02:29 It was an albino python.
02:31 It's kind of yellow, and it was a beauty.
02:35 And it was maybe like 8 feet long,
02:37 so I had 4 feet of it dangling down.
02:39 But it fancied me.
02:41 I swear, it was a female snake.
02:44 But it used to moan in my ear.
02:46 [laughter]
02:47 It would come up and go...
02:48 [exhales]
02:49 [laughter]
02:52 And then it took to going...
02:53 [moans]
02:54 [laughter]
02:58 What is going on?
03:01 Why don't we go up in here, you know,
03:03 and come round the room?
03:04 [laughter]
03:06 Kenny's gay, no?
03:07 He's what?
03:08 Gay.
03:09 [laughter]
03:11 What a horrible thing to say.
03:13 I thought he was.
03:15 I'm sorry.
03:16 [laughter]
03:18 Can't you call my son and his friend Clifford?
03:22 [laughter]
03:23 By what they are...
03:24 What are they?
03:25 Flatmates.
03:26 [laughter]
03:27 They're your family, I mean, how do they react?
03:30 They don't recognise me, so that's good,
03:32 because every time it's like a first.
03:34 [laughter]
03:35 My grandson has never, ever seen me
03:37 without a bandage somewhere.
03:39 [laughter]
03:41 My daughter said they were watching
03:43 Return of the Mummy the other night.
03:45 [laughter]
03:46 I ran up to the TV and went,
03:48 "Grandma, Grandma!"
03:50 I don't want to be an icon.
03:52 Have you ever been to Greece?
03:54 Have you ever been to Greece and seen an icon?
03:57 Horrible, with cracks all over their face.
04:00 Oh, I'm sorry.
04:01 [laughter]