Fawlty Towers by Ade Binelli - Dailymotion

Ade Binelli

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Transcript

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00:24.

00:25So you're...

00:26You're sure you'll be all right?

00:27What, Besser?

00:28I said you're sure you'll be all right.

00:29Will you get me my bed jacket?

00:31Er, bed jacket.

00:32In the drawer, the blue one, in the drawer.

00:35Oh.

00:36Now, you won't forget the fire deal tomorrow, will you?

00:40No, I won't, dear, no, I can cope, you know.

00:42This one?

00:43That's not blue.

00:44Well, it's got blue things on it.

00:46They're flowers, and I didn't ask for the one with the flowers, did I?

00:49No, you didn't quite right.

00:50No, I only picked that one up to annoy you, actually.

00:52I mean...

00:53What have you got all this stuff for?

00:55What?

00:56I mean, you're only here three days, you're gonna play charades every night.

00:58This one?

00:59Is it blue?

01:00Oh, it's bluish, I suppose.

01:01Now, you will remember to collect the stuff from Thomas's, won't you?

01:05Yes, I will.

01:06Oh, and I forgot to scrape the mould off the cheddar this morning, so remind you.

01:11Right.

01:12Yes.

01:13And do try and find time to get the moosey's head up.

01:16Oh.

01:17It's been sitting there for two weeks, Basil.

01:20Yes, yes, yes.

01:21I don't know why you bought it.

01:23It will lend the lobby a certain ambience, Sybil.

01:26Has a touch of style about it.

01:27Got a touch of mange about it.

01:29That is not so.

01:30It's got things living in it, Basil.

01:32It's nasty.

01:33It is not nasty.

01:34It is superb.

01:35I'm not going to argue with you, Basil.

01:37Just get it up out of the way.

01:38I don't want to snag any more cardies on it.

01:41And will you get me my telephone book, please?

01:43I mean, it's not as if I don't have enough to do.

01:45I mean, I'm on my own.

01:46The Germans are arriving tomorrow.

01:47It's not till lunchtime.

01:48You can do it in the morning.

01:49I've got the fire bill in the morning.

01:50Well, that only takes ten minutes in the bag.

01:52Oh, I thought slavery had been abolished.

01:55Don't you ever think about anybody but yourself?

01:58Oh.

01:59In the bag.

02:00Oh, yes, in the bag.

02:01Yes, yes.

02:02Let me do it.

02:03You just lie there with your feet up,

02:04and I'll go and carry you on the other way to Lime Creams.

02:07I am actually about to undergo an operation, Basil.

02:10Oh, yes, how is the old toenail?

02:13Still growing in, hmm?

02:14Still burrowing its way down to the bone,

02:16still macheteing its way through the nerve, eh?

02:18Oh, nasty old nail.

02:21He's still hurting, if that's what you mean, Basil.

02:23Well, it'll be out in the morning, poor little devil.

02:25I wonder if they'd mount it for me just for old ties.

02:29I'm sure it's worth asking.

02:30You could hang it on the wall next to the moose.

02:32They'd go rather well together.

02:33Ah, there you are.

02:34Come along.

02:35Out you go.

02:38Who were you talking to me?

02:39I'm sorry.

02:40I thought there was a dog in here.

02:41Oh, no.

02:42No dogs in here.

02:43I wouldn't bet on it.

02:44Oh, no.

02:45Not allowed.

02:46Now, come along.

02:47You're in the way.

02:48Fawlty's the name.

02:49Mr. Fawlty.

02:50Let's sit you up a bit.

02:51Thank you, sister.

02:52Now, pop that under your tongue.

02:55You still here?

02:57Apparently.

02:59A doctor's coming.

03:00My God!

03:01A doctor?

03:02I mean, here in the hospital?

03:03Whatever can we do?

03:05You can leave.

03:07Why do they call you sister?

03:08Is it a term of endearment?

03:09No.

03:10Now, look, Mr. Fawlty.

03:11I'm not going to ask you again.

03:12Presumably, you wouldn't mind if I said goodbye to my wife.

03:14She is under the knife tomorrow.

03:16It's an ingrowing toenail.

03:18Oh, you know, do you?

03:19Well, that'll help.

03:21Take care now.

03:22And if you can think of any more things for me to do,

03:24don't hesitate to call.

03:26Finished?

03:27Just.

03:28Thank you so much.

03:29Not at all.

03:30Charmed, I'm sure.

03:31In-growing toenail, right foot.

03:32You'll find it on the end of the leg.

03:34Bye-bye, dear.

03:38Mr. Fawlty?

03:39Yes, sir.

03:40Dr. Phil.

03:42Oh, oh, how do you do, doctor?

03:44You've just seen your wife.

03:45Yes, yes, just saying goodbye.

03:47Well, au revoir.

03:48Yes.

03:49Well, it is a very simple operation.

03:51But it would be quite painful afterwards.

03:53With it?

03:54With it?

03:55Oh, dear.

03:56Just for a time.

03:57But please, don't worry.

03:58No, well, I'll try not to.

04:00Quite, er, quite painful.

04:02Yes.

04:11Evening, Major.

04:12Evening, Fawlty.

04:13Hampshire One.

04:14Did it?

04:15Oh, isn't that good.

04:16How splendid.

04:17Oh, Fawlty.

04:18Um, how's...

04:19How's...

04:20My wife?

04:21Oh, that's it.

04:22Fine.

04:23Absolutely fine.

04:24They're taking it out tomorrow morning.

04:25Is she?

04:26Good.

04:27For her, the nail.

04:28They won't have operated till tomorrow.

04:29What?

04:30The nail.

04:31They're taking it out tomorrow.

04:32Well, how...

04:33How did she get a nail in her?

04:34No, I thought I told you, Major.

04:35No, she's having her toenail out.

04:37What?

04:38Just the one of them?

04:39Well, it's an ingrowing one, Major.

04:40Oh, well, if it's causing you pain, you have it out.

04:43Exactly.

04:44So, I'm on my own now.

04:45Start running this place properly.

04:47Ah, so you aren't your own, are you?

04:49Apparently, er...

04:50Oh, she won't be away for long, will she?

04:51No, no, no, no.

04:52Not unless it's a serious mistake.

04:54Ah, you've always got elsewhere, have you?

04:56Who?

04:57Elsie.

04:58Was she, er...

04:59She left a couple of years ago, Major?

05:01Funny, I thought I saw her yesterday.

05:03No, I don't think so.

05:04She's in Canada.

05:05Strange creatures, women.

05:07Well, can't stand around all...

05:08I knew one once.

05:10Spanky-looking girl, tall, you know.

05:13Val was a banker.

05:14Really?

05:15Don't remember the name of the bank.

05:17Well, don't mind.

05:18I must have been keen on her because I...

05:20Because I took her to see India.

05:23India?

05:24At the Oval.

05:27Fine match.

05:28A marvellous finish.

05:29Now, Sunny had to get 33 in about a half an hour,

05:32and she went off to her...

05:34...brow her hands or something.

05:36Women...

05:37Never came back.

05:39What a shame.

05:40And the strange thing was that throughout the morning

05:43she kept referring to the Indians as niggers.

05:46No, no, no, no, no, I said.

05:48Niggers are the West Indians.

05:50These people are wogs.

05:53Oh, no, no, no, she said.

05:55All cricketers are niggers.

05:57They do get awfully confused, don't they?

05:59They're not thinkers.

06:00I say it with Sybil every day.

06:01I do wish I could remember her name.

06:03She's still got my wallet.

06:05As I was saying, no capacity for logical thought.

06:08Who?

06:10Women.

06:11Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

06:12I thought you meant Indians.

06:14No, no, no, no.

06:15Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said they have minds like Swiss cheese?

06:18What do you mean, hard?

06:20No, no, full of holes.

06:22Really?

06:24Indians?

06:25No, no, women.

06:26Oh.

06:27Yes, can we help you?

06:29Hello.

06:30You see, three years at college, she doesn't know the time of day.

06:32Oh, about two minutes to six.

06:35What are you looking for?

06:36My German book.

06:37Oh, we've got some Germans arriving tomorrow morning, Major.

06:39So, Polly's brushing up another one of her languages.

06:42Germans, coming here.

06:44Oh, just for a couple of days, Major.

06:46I don't care much for Germans.

06:48Well, I know what you mean, but...

06:49Bunch of cots!

06:50That's something they are!

06:51All of them!

06:52Bad eggs!

06:53Well, yes, forgive and forget, Major.

06:55I mean, God knows how the bastards do.

06:58I'd better put the moose up.

07:00Well, you've got to love them, I suppose, haven't you?

07:03Germans?

07:04No, no, no.

07:05Women.

07:06I hate Germans.

07:07Love women.

07:08What about German women?

07:11Good card players.

07:13But mind, I wouldn't give them time of day.

07:16Found it.

07:17I don't know what you're bothering with that for.

07:19Well, they said someone didn't speak English.

07:21Well, that's their problem, isn't it?

07:23I don't know why she's got to complicate everything.

07:26Ugh!

07:27Got her cardie, did you?

07:29LAUGHTER

07:32LAUGHTER

07:34Hi, Joe!

07:38Nearly six o'clock, well, dear.

07:40Is it?

07:41Yes.

07:42Well, when you're ready, I might have a fruit juice or...

07:45Yes, well, I'll open up the moment I've done this, Major, yes.

07:48Oh, no, no, no, immediate hurry.

07:51Drunken old sod.

07:53LAUGHTER

07:54Holly!

07:56PHONE RINGS

07:57Holly!

08:00PHONE RINGS

08:01Manuel!

08:02PHONE RINGS

08:05PHONE RINGS

08:07PHONE RINGS

08:09Yes, faulty towers, hello.

08:11I was just doing it, you stupid woman.

08:14I just put it down to come here to be reminded by you

08:17to do what I'm already doing.

08:18I mean, what is the point of reminding me

08:20to do what I'm already doing?

08:21I mean, what is the bloody point?

08:22I'm doing it, aren't I?

08:26Yes, yes, I picked it up, yes.

08:28No, no, I haven't had a chance yet.

08:30I've been at it solidly ever since I got back.

08:32Yes, I will, yes.

08:34No, I haven't yet, but I will, yes.

08:36Yes, yes, I know it is, yes.

08:38I'll try and get it cleared up.

08:39Anything else?

08:40I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left, or...?

08:42LAUGHTER

08:43That's right, well, enjoy the operation, dear.

08:45Let's hope nothing goes wrong.

08:46Wish it was an ingrained tongue.

08:49LAUGHTER

08:50Yes!

08:51Oh, it's the admirable Crichton, well...

08:54You call, sir?

08:56Last week, but not to worry.

08:58OK?

08:59Oh, Buddha.

09:00Look, go and get me a hammer.

09:03Er, como?

09:04Hammer.

09:05Hammer?

09:06Oh, a hammer sandwich!

09:07Oh, do I have to go through this every time?

09:09Look, a hammer!

09:11Hammer!

09:12My hamster?

09:13No, not your hamster!

09:14How can I knock a nail in with your hamster?

09:16Well, I could try.

09:17No, it doesn't matter.

09:18All right, I'll get it.

09:19You come here and tidy.

09:20You know?

09:21Tidy!

09:22Oh, tidy.

09:23Yes, I get hammer and hit you on the head with it.

09:24Oh, tidy.

09:25Hammer, hammer.

09:27How are you, sir?

09:29You see, I speak English well.

09:31I learn it from a book.

09:34Hello.

09:35I am English.

09:37Hello.

09:41How are you, sir?

09:46I can speak English.

09:51Ah, hello, Major.

09:52How are you today?

09:56I'm fine, thank you.

09:59It's a beautiful day today.

10:02Is it?

10:03Oh, yes, yes, I suppose it is.

10:05Yes, I can speak English.

10:08I learned it from a book.

10:11Did you?

10:12Did you?

10:13Oh, there you are, Fawlty.

10:15Yes, I'm just going to open up, Major.

10:17Oh, fine.

10:18I say, that's a remarkable animal you have there, Fawlty.

10:22Where did you get it?

10:23Samson's in the town.

10:25Really?

10:26Was it expensive?

10:28Er, £12, eh?

10:30Good Lord.

10:31Japanese, was it?

10:35Canadian, I think, Major.

10:36I didn't know the Canadians was clever as that.

10:39Thank God.

10:41He's started early.

10:46Polly?

10:47What's that smell?

10:48Flowers.

10:49I just got them from the garden.

10:51What are you stinking the place out with those for?

10:53What's happened to the plastic ones?

10:55Being ironed.

10:59Oh, will you answer that, please?

11:00I'm trying to put this up.

11:02Fawlty Towers?

11:04Oh, hello, Mrs Fawlty.

11:05I'm doing it!

11:06I'm doing it now!

11:07Tell her I'm doing it now!

11:09He says he's doing it now.

11:10How's the nail?

11:11I wish it was this one.

11:12There!

11:13Tell the Tyrant Queen her cardies are safe forever!

11:17Mr Moose is up!

11:19It's done!

11:20Done!

11:21Done!

11:22It's up!

11:25It's down again!

11:27Did you do it as a wall?

11:29Give it to me!

11:30Give it to me!

11:32He just fell over Manuel,

11:34and he seems to have got himself jammed over the wooden chair!

11:37Oh, Mr Fawlty!

11:38And the flowers have just fallen on him!

11:39What are you doing?

11:40No, everything else is fine!

11:41Oh, Mr Fawlty!

11:42He's up!

11:43Good!

11:44Up!

11:45Up!

11:46Up!

11:47Up!

11:48Pacing him!

11:49Very good!

11:51Right!

11:52Good!

11:59He's good!

12:00He's good!

12:01Oh, what is...

12:07Right!

12:08Well, go on!

12:09Get back to your work!

12:1012 pounds!

12:14Good morning!

12:15Good morning!

12:16You know there's a fire drill in a few minutes, do you?

12:18No!

12:19No, we didn't!

12:20You hadn't read the notice?

12:21No!

12:22Right!

12:23Well, when you hear the bell,

12:24if you'd be so kind as to get out for a few moments,

12:25we have to clear the building.

12:26Thank you so much!

12:27Mr Fawlty, you know it's nearly 12?

12:28Yes!

12:29Well, the fire drill!

12:30Yes, I hadn't forgotten!

12:31You know, I just told somebody I can't cope!

12:33I mean, you know what you're doing, do you?

12:35Help get people out of the bedrooms upstairs!

12:37While learning two oriental languages, yes!

12:39Mr Fawlty?

12:40Yes?

12:41Who else is doing the upstairs?

12:42Only you!

12:43It doesn't take a moment!

12:44Yes, but I'm only here at mealtimes!

12:45So?

12:46Well, what happens if there's a fire when I'm not here?

12:48Who does the upstairs then?

12:50Well, we'll worry about that when we come to it, shall we?

12:52What's the panic?

12:53There's always going to be an argument about everything!

12:55PHONE RINGS

12:56Hello?

12:57Fawlty Towers?

12:58Oh, what is it now?

13:00Can't you leave me in peace?

13:02Yes!

13:03Yes!

13:04We're just going to have it!

13:05I hadn't forgotten!

13:06Yes!

13:07I know!

13:08I know I need the key!

13:09It's on the top of the...

13:10Well, where is it?

13:12What you put it in there for, nobody's going to steal it, are they?

13:15Yes!

13:16Yes!

13:17I know that you know, but I don't!

13:18Yes!

13:19Yes!

13:20I do now!

13:21Thank you so much!

13:22I put something down!

13:23I know where it is!

13:24So she has to come along and move the damn thing so that I can't find it!

13:27PHONE RINGS

13:29Well, what'd she put that on?

13:30Oh, I might forget!

13:31PHONE RINGS

13:32Sorry!

13:33Sorry, Major!

13:34Only the burglar alarm!

13:35Sorry, Miss Tibbs!

13:36What?

13:37That was the burglar alarm!

13:38The fire drill's not for a couple of minutes!

13:39Sorry!

13:40Excuse me!

13:41No, no!

13:42My wife left the...

13:43Excuse me!

13:44Yes?

13:45Sorry, that wasn't the fire bell!

13:46Sorry, that was just the...

13:47I thought there was a drill!

13:48Yes, there is, at 12 o'clock, but not yet!

13:49But it is 12 o'clock!

13:50Well, not quite!

13:51Thank you!

13:52Excuse me!

13:53Will I make it 12 o'clock?

13:54I'm afraid that wasn't the...

13:55What time do you make it, Major?

13:56Look!

13:57Burglar's about, I think!

13:58It doesn't matter what time he makes it, it hasn't started yet!

14:00What?

14:01It hasn't started yet!

14:02But that was the bell, wasn't it?

14:04No!

14:05He means the drill hasn't started yet!

14:07What drill?

14:08We didn't hear a drill!

14:09No, no, look!

14:10That was the burglar alarm!

14:11See?

14:12The burglar alarm!

14:13Yes!

14:14Are there burglars?

14:15Evidently!

14:16No, look, what's the matter with you all?

14:17It's perfectly simple!

14:18We have the fire drill when I ring the fire bell!

14:20That wasn't the fire bell, right?

14:22Well, how are we supposed to know that wasn't the fire bell?

14:24Because it doesn't sound like the fire bell!

14:26It didn't!

14:27It didn't!

14:28It did!

14:29No, it didn't!

14:30The fire bell is a different...

14:31It's a semitone higher!

14:32A semitone?

14:33At least, anyway, the fire drill doesn't start till 12 o'clock!

14:36It is 12 o'clock!

14:38Well, it is now, but that's because we've been standing about arguing about it!

14:42Look!

14:43How on earth could you expect us to tell which bell is which?

14:46Oh!

14:47We haven't heard them yet, have we?

14:48You want to hear them?

14:49Right!

14:50Suits me!

14:51Here's the burglar alarm!

14:52Ought we to catch them first!

14:53There aren't any!

14:54Then why does the alarm keep going?

14:56All right!

14:57Got that?

14:58Right!

14:59What's happening now?

15:00Now, here's the fire bell!

15:02Right?

15:03It's a completely different sound!

15:04Listen!

15:08Well, where are you going?

15:09Well, there is a drill, isn't there?

15:11No!

15:12No!

15:13No!

15:14No!

15:15No!

15:16This is so that you can hear the bell so you know in a moment when I ring the bell!

15:18What are you doing?

15:19Will you come back?

15:20We're going offline!

15:21No!

15:22Just listen to it, you old fool!

15:24Listen to it!

15:25Fire!

15:26Fire!

15:27Everybody up!

15:28No!

15:29Will you shut up?

15:30Oh!

15:31Will you shut up?

15:32It's fire!

15:33It's not fire!

15:34It's only bell!

15:35Where are you going?

15:36Upstairs!

15:37There isn't a drill yet!

15:38I'm just showing them what the bell sounds like!

15:40Now, will you go in there?

15:41Go help Chef!

15:42Chef not here!

15:43Well, go and start the chip!

15:44Chef?

15:45Yes!

15:46When bell, go again, stand!

15:47No fire!

15:48Only practice!

15:49Tell him, Polly!

15:50Thank you, ladies and gentlemen!

15:51Thank you so much!

15:52Perhaps I'm upstairs!

15:53What have you now?

15:54Now!

15:55We'll have it!

16:00Now!

16:01Are we all agreed on what the fire drill sounds like?

16:04Yes!

16:05Splendid!

16:06Well, now that's settled, we'll have the fire drill which will commence in exactly 30 seconds

16:10from now!

16:11Thank you so much!

16:18What are you doing?

16:19I mean, are you just going to stand there?

16:22Well, what do you suggest?

16:23Well, couldn't money or two of you go in the bar and a few in the dining room?

16:26I mean, use your imagination!

16:27What?

16:28Well, this is supposed to be a fire drill!

16:30There's only a few seconds!

16:32Right!

16:33Right!

16:34Well, stay where you are!

16:35Because obviously, if there was a fire, you'd all be standing down here like this in

16:38the lobby, wouldn't you?

16:39I don't know why we bother!

16:40We should let you all burn!

16:45Oh, no!

16:46No, no, no!

16:47Please!

16:48No, no, no!

16:49Yes!

16:50Yes!

16:51No!

16:52No!

16:53Oh!

16:54Oh!

16:55Oh!

16:56No!

16:57Oh!

16:58Oh!

16:59Oh!

17:00Oh!

17:01Oh!

17:02Oh!

17:03Fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire!

17:07No, no, there aren't any, Major.

17:09It went off by accident.

17:10Oh, come on, and join us.

17:12Oh, thank you, thank you so much.

17:14Fire, fire, fire, fire!

17:16No, no!

17:17Yes!

17:18Yes, yes!

17:18Look, will you get back in there?

17:20Yes, yes, no!

17:21Fire, fire!

17:23Shut up!

17:23I mean, just get on with your foot.

17:25Mr. Barney, it's fire!

17:26Did you hear what I said?

17:28No, but it's fire!

17:29It's no fire, it's only drill!

17:31It's fire, it's fire, it's fire!

17:33It's no fire!

17:34It's no fire!

17:35It's no fire!

17:36It's no fire!

17:38It's no fire!

17:39Everybody's out upstairs!

17:40No man will listen to none of the night,

17:42nor there is no fire!

17:44Fire!

17:45Fire!

17:46Fire!

17:47Fire!

17:48What?

17:49I'll keep a fire department having for another six months,

17:51and why be bothered?

17:52Will you shut up?

17:53Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

17:57Come back in now.

17:58Oh, that's nice.

17:59Never mind.

18:00Wait.

18:01I'm feeling this.

18:02I haven't had it.

18:03Shut up!

18:04Yes, I will.

18:05Have you told to have a bunch of cheddar?

18:08Oh!

18:09Forty!

18:10Mr. Forty!

18:11Yes!

18:12This is an awful round!

18:13Yes, I know.

18:14Right, right.

18:16Thank you so much for poking a nose in what's up to you.

18:19Oh, you don't have a list.

18:20Ooh!

18:21You don't have a list, or save your...

18:22If you don't have a list, I'll make it your...

18:24You'll put a list.

18:25Ooh!

18:26Ooh!

18:28Right, ladies and gentlemen, could I have everyone down here in the lobby?

18:32Oh, yes.

18:33Sorry.

18:34Sorry.

18:35Sorry, for the saving my list, but there is something that I think I ought to mention.

18:39I'm not quite sure how this has been at this hotel before

18:44and I'm not quite sure how it's started now.

18:46What is it?

18:48Well, the point is, can I put it this way?

18:51Erm...

18:53Fire!

18:54What?

18:55Fire!

18:56F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Fire!

18:58Fire!

18:59Fire!

19:00Where?

19:01Fire!

19:02Fire!

19:03Fire!

19:04Fire!

19:05Fire!

19:06Fire!

19:07Fire!

19:08What do you want?

19:10Bring me along!

19:12Bring me along! Right, right!

19:14Where's the key?

19:16Where is the key? I mean, would you believe it?

19:18I mean, would you believe it? The first time we've ever had a fire here in this hotel

19:22and somebody's lost the key!

19:24Isn't that typical of this place?

19:26Well, thank you, God! Thank you so bloody much!

19:30Where's the glass?

19:32Where's the glass?

19:34Hello! Thank you!

19:44Thank you!

19:46Open the door!

19:48Thank you!

19:54Hey!

19:56Manwell!

19:58Pull! Pull!

20:00Open the door!

20:02Hey!

20:04Hey!

20:05Hey!

20:06Hey!

20:07Hey!

20:08Hey!

20:09Hey!

20:10Hey!

20:11Hey!

20:12Hey!

20:13Hey!

20:15Hey!

20:16Hey!

20:18Hey!

20:20Oh, you're...

20:22Oh, I'm trying to wait a...

20:24Well, thank you for coming to see me.

20:42Oh, not at all. I was just, er...

20:44How are you feeling?

20:46The fire!

20:47It's all...

20:48The fire!

20:48It's out. There's not much...

20:50Oh, my God, where is it? What are they?

20:51What are you doing?

20:52Gotta get back.

20:53Gotta get back.

20:54Basil, will you get back into bed?

20:55Listen, what is it now?

20:57I'm going to call someone if you don't get back into bed.

20:59Listen, Simor, please. I'll handle this if you don't mind.

21:02Now, what sort of a room do you want?

21:04Basil!

21:05Oh, you want it? I can't stand around chattering all day.

21:07I've got to get back.

21:08Basil, you are not well. The doctor says you've got concussion.

21:11You must rest.

21:12I'll rest when I get to the hotel.

21:13I've just spoken to Polly. They are managing personal...

21:16Do you know what that fire extinguisher did?

21:18It exploded in my face.

21:20I mean, what is the point of a fire extinguisher?

21:22It sits there for months, and when you actually have a fire,

21:25when you actually need the bloody thing, it blows your head off.

21:28I mean, what is happening to this country? It's bloody Wilson.

21:33That's a lot of noise.

21:34Now, what are you doing out of your bed?

21:36I'm going home, thank you so much.

21:38Yes, well, we'll let the doctor decide that now, shall we?

21:40No, let's not.

21:41Now, come along.

21:41Don't touch me. I don't know where you've been.

21:43Yes.

21:44We must have our little jokes.

21:47Yes, we must, mustn't we?

21:49My God, you're ugly, aren't you?

21:54Basil?

21:54Hmm?

21:55I'll get the doctor.

21:56You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.

21:58Get back into bed.

22:03You've not seen her realise that I'm needed at the hotel.

22:06No, you're not. It's running beautifully without you.

22:08Polly cannot cope.

22:10Well, she can't fall over waiters, or get herself jammed under desks,

22:13or start burglar alarms, or lock people in burning rooms,

22:16or fire fire extinguishers straight in her own face.

22:18But I should think the hotel can do without her sort of coping for a couple of days.

22:21What do you think, Basil?

22:23What?

22:24Oh, hello, doctor.

22:25Out of bed, Mr Fortin?

22:26Ah, sort of. Oh, there they are.

22:27Well, better get back into bed.

22:29Feel a little bit woozy.

22:31You will for a time, Mr Fortin.

22:32You will.

22:33Yes, quite, quite.

22:35You should get as much rest as you can.

22:38As much rest as you can.

22:40As much rest as you can.

22:42Oh, I'm in there.

22:44Oh, I'm in there.

22:48Oh, I'm in there.

22:56Oh, Mr Fortin.

23:21Ah, good evening.

23:22Are you all right now?

23:23Perfectly, thank you.

23:23Take this to the room, please, dear.

23:25Are you sure you're all right?

23:27Perfectly, thank you.

23:28Right as rain.

23:35You okay?

23:37Fine, thank you, dear.

23:38You go and have a lie down.

23:39Okay.

23:40Ah, there you are.

23:41Will you take my case?

23:42How did you get there?

23:44What?

23:44Oh, never mind.

23:46Take it.

23:47Take it upstairs.

23:48Okay.

23:48Take it.

23:49Take it.

23:50I go get Polly.

23:51I've already had one.

23:52Take it.

23:52Take it now.

23:54God, the people I have to deal with.

23:57Press in the Deutsch.

23:59I beg your pardon?

24:00I'm sorry, could you say that again?

24:05You speak German?

24:07Oh, German.

24:08I'm sorry.

24:09I thought there was something wrong with you.

24:10Oh, of course.

24:13The Germans.

24:13You speak German?

24:15Well, a little.

24:16I get by.

24:17Ein bisschen.

24:18Ah, wir wollen ein Auto mieten.

24:20Well, why not?

24:21Bitte.

24:22Yes, a little bit tricky.

24:23Would you mind saying it again?

24:24Please.

24:25Could you repeat?

24:26Amplify?

24:27You know, via...

24:28Yes, yes.

24:28Via.

24:29Via, yes.

24:30Well, we'll come back to that.

24:31Wollen.

24:32Voluntary.

24:33Ein Auto mieten.

24:34Auto.

24:35Auto.

24:35Oh, I see.

24:36You're volunteering to go out to get some meat.

24:39Not necessary.

24:40We have meat here.

24:42We have meat here in the building.

24:53Oh, Polly, just explaining about the meat.

24:55Oh, we weren't expecting you.

24:56Oh, weren't you?

24:57They're Germans.

24:58Don't mention the war.

24:59I see.

24:59Well, Mrs. Fawlty said you were going to have a rest for a couple of days, you know, in

25:04the hospital.

25:04Idle hands get in the way of the devil's work, Fawlty.

25:08Now.

25:09Right.

25:09Well, why don't you go and have a lie down and I can deal with this?

25:11Yes, yes.

25:12Good idea.

25:13Good idea, Elsie.

25:13Yes.

25:14Bit of a headache, actually.

25:15We don't think you're well, Mr. Fawlty.

25:17Well, perhaps not, but I'll live longer than you.

25:19You must have hurt yourself.

25:23My dear woman, a blow on the head like that is worth two in the bush.

25:29Oh, no.

25:30But it was a nasty knock.

25:32Mmm.

25:32Would you like one?

25:33Next, please.

25:35Mr. Fawlty, are these Germans too?

25:37Oh, yes, sir.

25:38I can do them.

25:38Right, right.

25:39Here's the plan.

25:39Then I'll stand there and ask them if they want something to drink before the war.

25:44Before their lunch.

25:47Don't mention the war.

25:52Yeah, yeah.

25:53Right now.

26:01Can we help you?

26:06Are you speaking English?

26:07Of course.

26:08Ah, wonderful.

26:09Ah, please allow me to introduce myself.

26:13I am the owner of Fawlty Towers.

26:15And may I welcome your war?

26:17Your war?

26:18You war?

26:19You war?

26:20And hope that your stay will be a happy one.

26:23Now, would you like to eat first?

26:25Or would you like a drink before the war?

26:27Ning.

26:28That.

26:28Our trespasses will be tied up with piano one.

26:31Sorry.

26:32Sorry.

26:33I'm trying to get the old leg.

26:35Such a shrapnel in the war.

26:37Korean.

26:38I'm more sorry than Korean.

26:40We will eat now.

26:41Oh, good.

26:42Please, do allow me.

26:43May I say how pleased we are to have some Europeans here now that we are on the continent?

26:47Can I speak to Dr Finn, please?

26:50I didn't vote for it myself, quite honestly, but now that we're in, I'm determined to make

26:53it work.

26:53So I'd like to welcome you all to Britain.

26:55The place is grilled, but that doesn't matter.

26:57There's life in the old thing yet.

26:58Wait a moment.

26:59Got a bit confused there.

26:59Oh, yes.

27:00The place is grilled.

27:01In fact, the whole room's a bit warm, isn't it?

27:03I'll open a window.

27:03Have a look.

27:04And the veal chop is done with rosemary.

27:07Funny.

27:08I thought you'd go to Canada.

27:08The pan is delicious and nutritious.

27:12In fact, it's vealy good.

27:14Vealy good.

27:15The veal is good.

27:17Yes, doesn't matter.

27:18Doesn't matter.

27:18Never mind.

27:19May we have two ex-marnaces to do?

27:21Certainly.

27:21Why not?

27:22Why not indeed?

27:23We are all friends now.

27:24A prawn cocktail.

27:25All in the markets together.

27:27No differences forgotten and no need at all to mention the war.

27:30Sorry.

27:31Sorry.

27:31What was it again?

27:32The prawn cocktail.

27:33Oh, prawn.

27:34That was it.

27:34When you said prawn, I thought you said war.

27:37Oh, the war.

27:38Oh, yes.

27:39Completely slipped my mind.

27:40Yes, I've forgotten all about it.

27:41Hitler, Himmler and all that.

27:43Oh, yes.

27:43Completely forgotten it.

27:44Just like that.

27:47Sorry.

27:47What was it again?

27:48A prawn cocktail.

27:49Oh, yes.

27:50Leave a prawn.

27:51Yes.

27:51And Goebbels.

27:52Too easy.

27:52I don't hardly remember at all.

27:54And I'm pickled hank.

27:55Hermann Goring.

27:56Yes, yes.

27:57And von Ribbelchops.

27:58That was another one.

27:59And four cold meat salads, please.

28:01Certainly.

28:01Well, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres.

28:04H hors d'oeuvres, which must be obeyed at all times without question.

28:08Sorry.

28:09Sorry.

28:09Will you please call your wife immediately?

28:11Sim off.

28:12Sim off.

28:13She's in the hospital, you silly girl.

28:15Yes, call her there.

28:16I can't.

28:16I've got too much to do.

28:17Listen, don't mention the war.

28:19I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it, all right.

28:22So, it's all forgotten now, and let's hear no more about it.

28:25So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goring, and four cold meat salads.

28:31Now, wait a minute.

28:32I got a bit confused here.

28:33Sorry.

28:33I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war.

28:36So, could you...

28:36What's the matter?

28:37It's all right.

28:39Is there something wrong?

28:40Will you stop talking about the war?

28:42Me?

28:42You started it?

28:43We did not start it.

28:45Yes, you did.

28:45You invaded Poland.

28:48Yeah.

28:49Yeah.

28:49It's a jaguar.

28:50You'll like this one.

28:51There's this woman.

28:52She's completely stupid.

28:53She'd never remember anything.

28:54And her husband's in a bomber over Berlin.

28:57Oh, sorry.

28:58Sorry.

28:59Yeah.

28:59She'll love this one.

29:00She'll laugh at...

29:01Leave her alone.

29:02No, this is a street.

29:03I mean, I've never seen anyone not laugh at this.

29:04Go away!

29:05Look, she'll love it.

29:06She's German.

29:08No, Mr. Porter.

29:09What?

29:10Do Jimmy Cagney instead.

29:11What?

29:12Jimmy Cagney.

29:13Jimmy Cagney?

29:14I know.

29:14Yo, darling, right.

29:15I can't do Jimmy Cagney.

29:17Please try.

29:18I'm going to get you...

29:19Shut up.

29:20Yeah, what?

29:21Who's this then?

29:22Stuck you, but...

29:24I'll do the funny walk.

29:27He's going to...

29:29Stop it!

29:36Stop it!

29:38I'm trying to cheer her up, you stupid crowd.

29:41Don't!

29:42It's funny!

29:44Funny?

29:45Not funny?

29:46You're joking!

29:47It's not funny for her, not for us, not for any German people.

29:51You have absolutely no sense of humour, do you?

29:54This is not funny!

29:55Oh, what the bloody war anyway!

29:58Mr. Forty, you'll be all right.

30:00Come with me.

30:01Fine.

30:02No, you hit him on the head.

30:28No naughty moose.

30:31Whatever did they win.

30:33lubricant, sure, but some chacaksın.

30:38duty at the speech, no luck.

30:42Come, it's funny!

30:42I know.

30:44Yes.

30:45No baby.

30:46Yes.

30:46bite him.

30:48There's a mug, I know.

30:48Damn you.

30:49McIntyre.

30:49I know you can listen.

30:51And then I have to pray.

30:52And then I have to pray.

30:52Amen.

30:53Bye now.

30:53And now.

30:54And now we begin these men.

30:56I know you will live here.

30:56Good boy.

30:57Hit me.

30:58Good boy.

30:58Yeah.

30:59Now he has to dig back in my mind.

Fawlty Towers S1/E6 John Cleese • Prunella Scales

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Fawlty Towers

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