Earlier this month, Charles "Chuck" Barry of Pasco county Florida thought he'd get discount donuts by pretending to be a cop, because cops love donuts so much that its logical Dunkin Donuts would give them a discount, because they hate money or something. Well, apart from using a New Jersey police badge to call himself a US Marshal, Barry also made consecutive trips to the same Dunkin Donuts with family members in tow. After also claiming to be an Air Marshal, because, you know, that's what you call US Marshals when they fly right? The manager at the Dunkin Donuts branch got a real cop to lay in wait for the nearly 400lb impersonator to strike again. When he did, they had him.
According to the police report, Mr. Chuck Barry apologised profusely and began to cry. Now his face is all over the internet, in 2D and 3D form thanks to us, and everyone knows that he cried. Oh, he also got arrested and charged with impersonating an officer. Far from being an actual police officer, Mr. Barry works at a photocopy supply shop. If the Dunkin Donuts employees needed to see any more identification than a badge and a gun (because guns in Florida are only possessed by cops), all Ol' Chuck would have been able to produce are some Xeroxes of his voluminous posterior. But maybe that's unfair. Just because a guy is fat, and impersonates a police officer to get a 10% discount on donuts, we can't assume he's just some out of control gun flailing lardo'. Even though evidence in this case would support that assertion.
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