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    Fifty Shades of Red keeps London Fire Brigade busy

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    Fifty Shades of Grey brought erotic literature out of the closet in 2011. Since then, emergency services have noted an uptick in people getting body parts stuck in items around the house. This statistical change has been called the "Fifty Shades of Grey effect". But the London Fire Brigade has another expression for it, "Fifty Shades of Red" for the bashful expressions of all the people who called 999 when they literally got their knickers in a bunch.

    According to the London Fire Brigade, in the last three years they were called for 79 cases of people who couldn't get out of handcuffs, nine cases of men unable to remove their own cock rings, one instance of a man stuck in a child's toy car, and the infamous "man with penis stuck in toaster". While many of the calls are much more pedestrian, such as a man whose arm is stuck in a porta john, or a child whose head is caught in a tambourine, incidents of children getting their heads stuck in the toilet are surprisingly well represented.

    Above all, the London Fire Brigade wants to remind the public to think before they jam any appendages into places from whence they might not return easily. It might seem like a small thing to try something special around the bedroom, but it will feel like a really small thing when you have a squad of fire marshals with meter long bolt cutters clustered around your manhood. So follow the London Fire Brigade's advice, and play it safe!

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