Bob Hope's All Star Comedy Bithday Party -1980
Loni Anderson plays Maw Swampwater struggling to raise her guitar-strumming thirteen year old, Luke (Hope) in a Jawbone, Tennessee cabin that’s so rundown “the termites are dyin’ from malnutrition.” Andy plays a record company owner who tries to sign Hope to a long-term contract.
ANDY: Luke, would you like to sing for all America?
HOPE: I’m not sure. How loud would I have to sing?
ANDY: We’re looking for a guitar player who can sing sad. Can you sing sad?
LONI: Sad ain’t the word for it. Pathetic is more like it.
HOPE: (insulted) What do you mean, Maw? My gal Cindy Lou said I got a voice like a nightingale.
LONI: That ain’t what she said at all. What she said was you walk like Florence Nightingale.
ANDY: (to Hope) Sign with my company, and you’ll make a fortune with that guitar.
HOPE: Gee, I could afford to buy Maw a hairdryer, so she wouldn’t have to stick her head in the stove no more.
Mere seconds before pen touches contract, Farkus comes up against a shape more important to Luke than the treble clef — his twelve-year-old paramour, Cindy Lou (Barbara Mandrell).
BARBARA: Luke, can I borrow your pucker? I got a powerful hankerin’ for some heavy-duty togetherness.
HOPE: (to Andy) Sparkin’ is all Cindy thinks about. Would you believe she’s on her third lip retread?
ANDY: (admiring her) Do all the gals around here look like that?
HOPE: Sad, ain’t it? She was the runt of the litter.
On the spot, the Colonel Farkus decides to resign his honorary commission, marry the Widder Maw and get a real job in the mine — just in time, by the way, to act as best-man at the wedding of Luke and Cindy Lou who turn in their learner’s permit for a real marriage license.