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For women starting a new job, it can be difficult to navigate a male-dominated office environment. Here are The Onion's tips for succeeding as a woman in the workplace.
According to a report released by the Department of Health and Human Services, the vast majority of American children lack the presence of a strong, sculpted male supermodel.
In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.
Producers insist that the beloved characters are merely friends and that “gay” doesn’t remotely describe their bizarre underworld of sexual deviance.
After fluctuating wildly this morning between $1 and $35, the price of money spiked to an unprecedented $90 a dollar in afternoon trading, plunging international financial markets into chaos.
The ‘Mummy’ star joined in on the crowdsourcing trend this week, sending an application and cover letter in to the Kickstarter headquarters.
The sexy Kardashian wowed beachgoers when her slim post-baby beach bod washed ashore Zuma Beach in Malibu.
Microsoft says their new Xbox features a host of simple voice commands that will easily control and instruct gamers.
Watch Onion News Empire, Episode 1 now.
Saying that he’s “okay-looking but definitely nothing special,” employees at Southeastern Publishing Services reported Wednesday that Brian Tyler, a 27-year-old digital communications coordinator widely considered to be the cutest guy in the office, is not even particularly attractive.
The pregnant starlet has finished reading her long-awaited first book and is currently traveling the country to promote the John Grisham thriller to her fans.
Tracy spends some time on a local farm with Ray Kimball, who insists that his horse Franklin has the incredible ability to talk!
In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his garage at home, said Thursday his loyalty to the car manufacturer was so strong that he would be willing to kill in its name.
CERN researchers confirm that they have finally identified the elusive Higgs Boson particle and destroyed it forever.
Congressman Ryan is defending his extreme budget plan, which includes proposals that Americans make their own toothpaste and cut their own hair, just like he does.
The President was forced to exercise his clemency powers to free Joe Biden last week after the Vice President called the White House at 3 AM from a prison pay phone.
The fast-food chain has rolled out a suspicious new promotion selling five hamburgers for zero dollars.
When tragedy struck Kansas City today, Onion reporters were first on the scene. This is a video recap of our coverage of the Gunman story that began this morning when she killed zero in a crowded mall.
Experts are blaming Girls Gone Wild’s recent bankruptcy on the company’s business model of employing their hot, horny coeds full time.
The Divine Creator of All Things addressed a throng of dedicated fans on his troubled working relationship with the former Pope.