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Actually, I've written a biography!

It's my own celebrity autobiography called I LIGHT UP MY LIFE: THE MARK SAM CELEBRITY AUTOBIOGRAPHY. Each of its 789 pages are full of poignant genius, and I only hope one day to secure a publisher and share it with the waiting world.

You may wonder at the possible prematurity of such a tome, penned as it has been in the last moments before the actual ascent of my career. But I wasn't sure there'd be time later, when I'm actually famous!

I love cheddar flavored Goldfish snack crackers, being tan, and the final scenes of both "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Places in the Heart" - God bless small-town America and the earnestness of its "rich in spirit" if impossibly impoverished denizens! What a lesson they are for those more cosmopolitan among us - though in fact the lesson may merely be a cautionary tale.

I also enjoy travel, as many of the celebrated do. I have been to Greece! While there, in addition to delighting in a few "getting to know you" games with some of the stunning local men and one moderately unattractive but persistent German, I toured many of the ruins for which it is renowned. I ADORE ruins! They remind us of the common thread of humanity through the ages - and they also provided cover for several of the aforementioned assignations.


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