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Hello I am Ted Crusty.
Once upon a time, I was sat watching some good old fashioned, high quality daytime TV (I'm still waiting for the lie detector results-who IS the father?), when all of a sudden the room was plunged into darkness and I blacked out.
I arose some hours later in a barn filled with livestock wearing nothing but an edible posing pouch. I dread to think what had just happened.
To try and drown my sorrows, I binged on Capri Sun Tropical until the pain went away. Awaking in a roadside ditch awash in a sea of sparkplugs and mango scented liquid, a passing motorist stopped and helped me out. That person was Joe, or as he was known then, Ken.
His misfortunes have been caught on camera by me since then for some unexplained reason.